I got this, editor-shaped people...help?

Dear Writers and Actors,

I’m writing to ask for your help with a fundraiser to benefit Below the Line crew affected by the strike. The Work Stoppage Relief Fund has been established to assist entertainment industry members who are facing financial hardship resulting from the current work stoppage.

I’m asking writers to autograph any scripts they can spare, so that I can give them away as prizes to fans donating to the fund.

Fans can forward me copies of their receipts, and I’ll put their names in to a drawing to win the scripts you donate.

The holiday season is going to be pretty tough for the BTL crew members who are suffering as collateral members of the strike. Both fans and writers have an opportunity to show the Below the Line crew that they are so very important to all of us; without them, all we have is words on a page.

The carpenters, costumers, painters, set designers, makeup artists, et. al. are the skilled artisans who bring your words on the page to life on the screen.

Please consider donating a script to this fundraiser so that we can help ensure a happy holiday season for those BTL, and to thank them for standing with the writers in solidarity.

Scripts can be mailed to me at:

My address
Where I live
In LA

Yours,

Allyson Beatrice
Member, www.buffistas.org
www.allysonbeatrice.com

I’m asking writers to autograph any scripts they can spare, so that

You can lose that comma.

I’ll put their names in to a drawing

in to -> into

Other than that, it looks good. When you're happy with it, e-mail it to me and I'll pass it along.

Allyson, I know I'm fine with you signing as Allyson Beatrice b.org, with or wihout the "member", but with probably saves headaches.

In strike news, I heard the story about Jay and Conan on NPR today, but they said the two would be returning to work without writers, and that they would cross picket lines if they had to.

Is there any need to explain "Below the Line" in that first para?

Writerly-types, how do we feel about the "outside negotiations" I've been hearing about, speaking fo the Leno/Conan thing?

Not at all, the letter is to the WGA members, and they know what BTL is.

I'll have to explain BTL to fandom a little bit better, but I have a post for that.

Are you looking for just scripts or anything? I think I can get some signed Sarah Connor Chronicles posters easily enough.

egad, why the hell can't Allyson sign it Allyson Beatrice Buffistas.org?!?! Seriously we're being way beyond pedantic to raise an issue with that. To sign her letter in that way is to identify herself with our organization, it isn't claiming to speak for us as a whole.

Sign it Allyson Beatrice, buffistas.org

Also I think the letter is good as is, my only suggestion is:

The carpenters, costumers, painters, set designers, makeup artists, et. al. are the skilled artisans who bring your words on the page to life on the screen.

I'd cut "on the page" from the sentence as it is used to better effect in the paragraph above it; cutting it here makes both sentences flow better.

Thanks for the edits, guys! Business writing always makes me hurt.

The holiday season is going to be pretty tough for the BTL crew members who are suffering as collateral members of the strike. Both fans and writers have an opportunity to show the Below the Line crew that they are so very important to all of us; without them, all we have is words on a page.

The carpenters, costumers, painters, set designers, makeup artists, et. al. are the skilled artisans who bring your words on the page to life on the screen.

How about:

crew members who are suffering as a result of the strike

Let's give fans and writers an opportunity to show...

Also, et al doesn't have any periods, et because it's not an abbreviation and al for some more obscure reason.

I'd be happy to have it say Allyson, B.org.

Allyson, thanks so much for your work on this and so many other things.

I'd cut "on the page" from the sentence as it is used to better effect in the paragraph above it; cutting it here makes both sentences flow better.

Good point. I like the parallelism, but the repetition of the phrase is unnecessary in such close quarters.

Also, et al doesn't have any periods, et because it's not an abbreviation and al for some more obscure reason.

Oof. Point. I lose.