Sure. You can have that one. I'll keep the NF version.

Whee, everybody wins!

Sean and Winston are the Salazar brothers

I get the giggles at the thought of the "thug" Salazar bro growing up in his neighborhood with the name "Winston."

I know! This is cracking me up about their names!

Note to self: need red dress.

To me, she'll always be that little girl who helped Kate Winslet beat her mother to death with a brick wrapped in a picnic blanket.

Oh, THAT's who she is! Now it all falls into place in my head.

"Winthton." You know he got it. I mean, there is no way to make that name cool. "W-dawg" ain't doing it.

Viggo can't do the This-Close-to-Killing-You-With-My-Neck-Veins Face of Your Imminent Doom like Nathan. Nobody can do that face like Nathan can.

Heavenly Creatures was a great movie. Based on, I think, the murder of Anne Perry's mother. Or something.

Nobody can do that face like Nathan can.

Oh yeah. My NF has grown exponentially. And it was pretty damn big before.

I want to like this show. I really do. I have an unreasonable love for the way NF flares his nostrils. I like Los Hermanos Salazar. I have a healthy desire to throttle almost everyone else, which is a helpful way to channel my post-rush hour on I-4-commute agression.

However, as someone who has lived both in the middle of the Mojave Desert and in Gainesville, Florida, I can tell you with absolute certainity that the two landscapes look nothing like each other.

The biggest, longest laugh I had in tonight's episode was Corrina complaining that they would never leave Florida at the exact, precise moment that she was backed by the stunning mountains of California.

Tim, dude, you can make a Wax Lion talk. Why can't you photoshop out the mountains? Why can't you add some greenery? My disbelief can only be suspended so far.

I hate that I'm complaining about this, and it upsets me that I am this thoroughly agitated by this. I remember driving from Gainesville to Orlando when the swamps along the sides of the roads were so flooded that alligators were roadkill. You could drive 75 miles an hour down the highway and count dozens of gators lurking in the ditches along the side of the road.

I hereby offer my tour guide services of Central Florida to any entertainment producer type. I will even throw in a trip to Disney World. Please come to my home; take pictures; make some home movies; take notes. As Vi told us tonight, it's important to get the details right.

Alternately, don't show us the landscapes, because you're only going to annoy people in other states.

Ok, done now.

So, how about NF's nostrils?

Based on, I think, the murder of Anne Perry's mother. Or something.

Close -- the murder of her high-school girlfriend's mother.

Close -- the murder of her high-school girlfriend's mother.

You're right -- I just went to check that! I can never remember which one she was. She was the wealthier, sickly Kate Winslet character in the movie.

I'm trying my best not to notice the landscape. It's difficult.

So, how about NF's nostrils?

I always notice people's noses, because I'm obsessed with my own, but noses aren't sexy. Except Nathan, somehow, has a sexy nose. I cannot explain this.

I think he's driving a Dodge Charger. Which I want and lust for.

Does this mean there's a chance of Traci Thoms' character Kim from Grindhouse joining the race? I think that would ratchet me from liking it to loving it immediately.

Viggo can't do the This-Close-to-Killing-You-With-My-Neck-Veins Face of Your Imminent Doom like Nathan. Nobody can do that face like Nathan can.

No guy, maybe. But Sigourney Weaver can.

Matt! I was thinking that it would be excellent if Traci Thoms could show up in this.

Too bad about that Cold Case show.