Walk into your boss's office, say, "I quit from thee, I quit from thee, I quit from thee," and then dump potato salad on his shoes.

Ding Ding Ding

We have a winner!

Walk into your boss's office, say, "I quit from thee, I quit from thee, I quit from thee," and then dump potato salad on his shoes.

Potato salad with mayonnaise or vinegar dressing?

Some of the other stuff is more obvious--the giving away, the kissing the bride.

That's more along the lines of the "unthinkingly" I was thinking of. I was out with this couple and he was all "I'm very old fashioned, I went and asked her father" and (granted, he was sorta a tool and I was already disliking him already) and I had to fight the urge to drunkenly lean over and ask "did you ask his permission before you guys 'did it'? Because you were sorta late in the game at the point you finally got around to it, don't you think?"

But the whole "our friends will have a screw pantomime on the dance floor" seems pretty obvious to me.

I'm realizing that I've never given notice at a real job. I don't know how it's done!

Oh, I bet we can come up with a few suggestions. Many may involve the word FUCKOS.

Walk into your boss's office, say, "I quit from thee, I quit from thee, I quit from thee," and then dump potato salad on his shoes.

Or, "Hey! I do know how to quit you!"

it's the very literal act of removing an undergarment from your brand-new wife *in front of a crowd* and then throwing the undergarment to a pack of guys.

Hmm. It seems that should bother me, but it doesn't. I like raunchy weddings (maybe I won't invite my parents to mind) and although there are no formalised ways to sex up the groom, that can be rectified in an ad hoc fashion.

I've only been to one wedding with a garter toss, and it was a lot of fun and not skeevy at all -- I think it depends on the attitude of the people involved. (It ended up being one of our college friends catching the garter, and the bride's sister catching the bouquet, and so of course they were mercilessly teased for the rest of the evening. All in good fun.)

the whole "our friends will have a screw pantomime on the dance floor" seems pretty obvious to me.

God, I feel dense--what's this?

eta: Never mind--you mean the putting on of the garter, don't you?

and then the day after you get married you can make an offer on a house.

No shit, man. I mean, I want all y'all to come party with me if I ever get married, but I'd much rather get married in my back yard, in a $100 dress, and take the $30,000 for a house. (Or crystal meth. Whatever.)

Um, no. Not unless I get to make my husband strip in front of the crowd and then take off his undergarments.

Which I would totally support you in, should you decide to go that route (or the marriage route at all) one day. IJS.

But what if I marry a fat hairy guy with enormous manboobs?

I like raunchy weddings

yikes.

Potato salad with mayonnaise or vinegar dressing?

Mayo. Thus leading to the tradition of the boss going home shortly after the ritual to avoid having his shoes go bad....