Closest to death: Birth.(I wonder if my fascination with murder could be that "simply" explained.) Second closest: Almost got hit by a car in my electric chair in the street.(My life passed in front of me, but too small and fast to be...illuminating and shit. Which I'm still disappointed about; it was like holding a slide to the light without a projector.)

my electric chair

Considering I was watching Prison Break just the other day, I find this phrase inappropriately hilarious.

Ooh, another thing they left off the list! Controlled electric current.

That's a very strange list. What about the screw? The moldboard plow? The dynamo?

So, a church in Alabama that was flooded during Hurricane Katrina now has a section of buckled drywall that people are saying is the < a href="http://www.wltx.com/fyi/fyi.aspx?storyid=36295">spitting image of Jeezy Creezy, so now people are flocking to the church to pray to the buckled drywall, and some people are claiming that they were healed by the buckled drywall....

Fer cryin' out loud. Seriously, I mean, I know I'm not a believer, but COME ON. IT'S A PIECE OF BUCKLED DRYWALL. And it's not even like it's a friggin' mystery how the drywall got all waterlogged.

The Forbes piece on their methodology says:

For our purposes, we decided to define a tool as a material device that provides an advantage in accomplishing a task. That eliminated things like language and software.

We decided to exclude the traditional list of "simple machines," which includes the lever, pulley, wheel and wedge, since most other tools employ some form of simple machine--a hammer is basically a lever, and an axe is essentially a wedge.

We tried where possible to limit the list to handheld or easily portable objects, eliminating most heavy machine tools, like hydraulic jacks.

We also decided to eliminate complex machines capable of essentially running themselves. That means things like cars, windmills and computer networks don't qualify.

They also explain what good lathes and chisels are.

now people are flocking to the church to pray to the buckled drywall, and some people are claiming that they were healed by the buckled drywall....

Maybe they should pray to the buckled drywall for a light hurricane season in '06.

That image looks more like Bullwinkle squinting and lowering his horns than Jesus Christ to me.

"You also have to look at it through your spiritual eyes and be able to recognize that it is Jesus himself on that wall," said Bogan.

I guess my spiritual eyes need glasses too, because I don't see it.

That image looks more like Bullwinkle squinting and lowering his horns than Jesus Christ to me.

"Watch me raise this man from the dead!"

"Again? That trick never works!"

They need a higher-res picture in that article.

Why would you need to be in front of the drywall to get healed? Shouldn't it work anywhere? Weird. As a disclaimer, I don't think that stuff is representative of religious folks in general.