{{CaBil}} I am so sorry about Patches.

There was a time of darkness when I visited my parents, and they had no caffinated coffee in their house. So I said, no problem, where's the nearest coffeehouse? Turns out there was none in their entire town.

Are your parents my parents? Mine just drink decaf and they live in the middle of nowhere Tennessee. The closest place for coffee? A gas station or McDonald's that is 15 miles away. The closest place for good coffee? An HOUR away.

I like Dunkin' coffee. I think it's the best chain coffee. And, my office has Dunkin' coffee beans. Not too shabby, either.

So, what region is it that calls all soda coke?

The South. I switch back and forth between coke and pop because of my mixed (Midwest and Southern) upbringing.

Coke for everything sounds ridiculously wrong to me.

Here's the way it works. Your hostess says, "Would you like a Coke?" and you say, "Do you have Sprite?" You say, "I'm going to get a Coke," and you get something out of a Coke machine, but not necessarily actual Coke.

We went to an Irish Pub (Murphy's in Clifton)

W00t!!!1! Murphy's!!!! I had a friend who lived in a house that was literally across the street from Murphy's. I mean his front door was lined up with Murphy's door. I have no idea how he didn't flunk out that year.

Also, flea -- Chicago Gyros has renovated and is all spruced up and shiny and classy -- it looks like a Panera Bread inside or something. It's no longer blue and dirty. I almost cried.

It's "Coke machines selling things that are not Coke" where everything went tragically wrong....

Coke for everything sounds ridiculously wrong to me.

Here's the way it works.

Yup. I've had this conversation a lot:

Waitress: What would you like to drink?

Me: A coke.

Waitress: What kind?

Me: Dr Pepper.

Oooh, look at Eddie's mad research skilz.

Coke is a Southern thing. Every soda is a coke.

I do this. It's my mom's fault, I think. Also the inability to hear "-in" and "-en" distinctions.

DING! Eddie got it.

All ita's fault.

Isn't all tea "sweet tea" unless otherwise specified?

Only in the south.

I was so happy when Trader Joe's started selling gallon jugs of unsweetened iced tea. Mmmm.

Are your parents my parents? Mine just drink decaf and they live in the middle of nowhere Tennessee.

I think mine were going through some random health thing. They've since seen the error of their ways. Possibly because I do the make-a-cross-with-your-index-fingers thing and say, "blasphemer!" every time they suggest brewing a pot of decaf.

My parents gave up coffee as part of their incredibly healthy lifestyle of the past few years BUT they always have some in the freezer for visitors AND they have two types of single cup drip thingies.

Conjunction junction, what's your function...