But people say they've "discovered" something all the time. "I've discovered this wonderful restaurant, everyone should go eat there!" I understand the colonialism issue is bad--turning the natives into slaves for the mission is a prime example--but a lot of the declarations of appropriation strike me as paternalistic. "You say you don't mind that white people use your designs, but really, they're stealing them from you."

Yeah, I don't know. If someone from a given community says, "Dude--offensive!" (cf. Native American warbonnets on models selling makeup) I'm inclined to take their word on it. And, likewise, if people from the relevant community say, "Nice, looks good!" when you wear items from their culture, then, by and large, yay. But there's a huge middle ground there. And, cultures aren't a monolith, so there's probably people in any given group who will be all whatever/hell no about things that, by and large, are considered awful/awesome.

Not a sari, but I wear kurtas all the time because they are comfortable and attractive and easy to wear.

I think part of it is if the person from the outside culture isn't being respectful, or has no clue about what the meaning of the thing is.

A trivial, non-politicized example: The fashion industry LOVES to mine my subculture for inspiration and ideas. And every damn time, the PR line includes something about their version of black velvet, black lace dresses, winklepicker buckle boots, top hats with veils, or black lipstick ISN'T GOTH, noooo. It's "dark romanticism", or "funeralcore", or "edgy". And on the one hand, easily available black lipstick and fabulous things on the clearance racks, yay. On the other hand, quit looking down your nose at the subculture if you're going to knock off our style, dammit.

Funeralcore? Lol.

I think part of it is if the person from the outside culture isn't being respectful, or has no clue about what the meaning of the thing is.

One thing I noticed in wedding planning was that non-Jewish people would say that they loved how great chuppas looked in photos, and wanted to know the best way to DIY one. And Jewish people would say, hey, this is actually an important part of a religious ceremony, not just a backdrop.

My epic tumblr temper tantrum over "funeralcore".

Seriously, I was sputtering in fury for HOURS over that. Pete understood my ranting, but also found it hilarious.

Yeah, "Isn't this cool?--but it's not like THOSE people, you know, the weird ones we took it from" is an excellent example. "Enjoy the look without being dangerously non-middle-of-the-road!" I guess it's aimed at the parents instead of the kids who are heading for the edges of the road as fast as they can.

Funeralcore? Lol.

I'm wearing a funeralcore fleece jacket from Lands End right now because I am SO EDGY.

wanted to know the best way to DIY one

Do you think just suggesting the canopy with, say, a framework of flowers or something, would be an acceptable variant? There are so many ways to get the effect without getting all grabby hands.

edit: and I bet there's a bride somewhere who wants to do the breaking of the glass, too. Sigh. Glad you appreciate the idea, dear, please think a moment longer.