On Facebook, a friend was looking at the NYT bestsellers the week she was born, and she got a Stephen King book, as did many of us. I got Cujo. Another friend got The Butter Battle Book, so I mentioned that I'd been in a comic opera based on that book with Gilbert and Sullivan songs set to new lyrics. So a friend joked about wanting a G&S comic opera about Cujo. And then the original friend declared that it must star Miss Piggy.
And so I wrote this, which I felt like sharing.
I am the very model of a modern rabid killer dog.
I just ate up Miss Piggy; she was nothing but a filler hog.
My favorite meal is bacon but I'll also eat men on a jog.
For my dessert I think I'll go chomp on the legs of Kermit Frog.
I'm frothing at the mouth just like the writer of a gender blog
Who's glad I'm not a bitch because then King would get the fem'nist flog.
If humans coming near me would bow down, I do think that'd be great.
It really makes them easier to kill and then decapitate.
I'm very good at murdering, devouring, and causing gore.
My hunger is insatiable; you always leave me wanting more.
In short, you can't escape me without jumping right into a bog.
I am the very model of a modern rabid killer dog!