Wasn't he hilarious?

I hope that AD is on the show again.

Spidra -- I wish that you could hire contractors in LA to go and change the locks in your parents house while they were out for the day -- how safe and comfortable would they feel? I don't understand why they can't see your position on this.

The point is that if she is actually violating some legal right you have (and I suspect she is but would need a lawyer to tell you) just mentioning the fact might make them take what they are doing to you more seriously.

I can just say that if I were renting, the landlord would have to give 24 hours notice before they or their hired workers could come on the premises. But she really isn't responding to logic.

I'm the eldest of 15 kids. Right now my mom is dealing with the house stuff here; one brother being on assignment in Afghanistan (this is after doing his tour of duty in Iraq); one brother in jail; one brother who made two suicide attempts in the last year; a learning disabled sister who got involved with a sleazeball guy and fiercely defended him to my parents, ran off, got knocked up, realized the guy was a sleazeball and begged to be flown back home; numerous kids who've also made really stupid and irresponsible decisions and either got knocked up or knocked up others as well as being in and out of jail; a sister whose lifestyle decisions and bad luck led to her spine basically disintegrating so mom is helping manage her application to SSDI and deal with the lifestyle change of needing a wheelchair, my mom's own fibromyalgia and a couple other conditions, my dad's pneumonia bout and now a fractured ankle...the family circus just goes on and on.

I don't want to add to her woes. I don't want to make her feel unappreciated. But I also don't want to be pushed around and treated as if I'm 10. It's a hard row to hoe. At this point, when I can manage it, the best way is to flow around the obstacles. Engage as little as possible and try to do what I believe best without arguing about it. But sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it all.

OK Spidra. Don't want to make your life harder. Just some thought; obviously you know your situation.

I wish that you could hire contractors in LA to go and change the locks in your parents house while they were out for the day

That's what I've fervently wished for my mom and also for the contractors who by and large are very rude. I think they'd look at things differently if I were able to do to them what is done to me. It's sad that some folks can't have empathy unless they have the immediate memory of having gone through the same thing.

Man, the talk about Gilmore Girls has me bumming that I'm so far behind in GG watching. I'll have to wait for the DVDs at this point. Same with West Wing. I've really got to get a better setup for torrenting.

I really appreciate the thought, Typo Boy. I do.

Spidra, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this ongoing. I agree with the folks who said you should install locks on your bedroom (and bathroom!) doors to which the contractors have no keys. At least those areas can be kept private.

You guys! I was laughing all through the taking daughters or sons to the toilet at the ball game. Have none of you ever heard Bill Cosby's take on it?

"I'm goin' to see the Rams play. I'm almost out the door and my wife says, 'Take your daughter with you.' My daughter's three years old, but okay. I'm takin' my daughter to see the Rams play. We get there and we're in our seats, and I get her some popcorn and a hot dog and a drink, and the game starts getting interesting, and my daughter says, 'I have to tee-tee!'

"But I don't want to leave the game. In a little bit, she says again, 'I have to tee-tee!' I hand her my bag of popcorn. Things are really getting exciting now, and in a minute, she yells, 'I have to tee-tee!' Three rows above and below us stand up and look at me. 'YOU BRUTE! TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO TEE-TEE!'

"So now I'm at the Rams game, and I'm taking my daughter to tee-tee. Except there's not a father-daughter tee-tee room. Oh, it's okay for mothers with sons. You could be nineteen years old and your mom could take you into the ladies' room, (lady voice) 'This is my son,' and everybody'd just smile and nod. But if you take your three-year-old daughter to the men's room, everybody just gets upset. 'Aw man, don't bring that girl in here!'"

And so on. I think family tee-tee rooms are probably one of the greatest inventions of western civilization.

I really want to see HIMYM, but I haven't been able to download the last couple eps.

I have packed mucho tonight--currently residing in my car are two tubs of wintery clothes, a suitcase of fancy-ish clothes, a box of dishes (I used half a ream of school newspaper to wrap and protect it all!), random collectibles, a george foreman grill and a toaster. I feel very accomplished, and the car is very full. I think I really will be able to get most of this stuff out of here by graduation weekend, which is very exciting!

However: in doing all this packing stuff, I've neglected my homework. So much reading. So. Much. Pot o'coffee and an all-nighter, here I come.

currently residing in my car are two tubs of wintery clothes

I get cold so easily that this is like porn to me. Ahhhhh snuggly winter clothes.

Good luck on the all-nighter. I'm-a brew a pot o' coffee myself.

Oh, Spidra, that sounds so sucky. I wish you much zen over the next couple of months as they finish up.

I'm gonna bitch. This is your warning.

I get up this morning and come out to make coffee, and what do I find in the sink? About 5 dishes and a bunch of silverware of Not!Emily's that he must not have felt like washing when he did dishes last night. They're all lying in the stoneware that I had soaking. Now, there was TOTALLY room in the dish rack for him to finish these dishes. I have no idea why he didn't do them, except that he got lazy.

Then, I start making the coffee, and I go over to the trash to dump the grinds. The trash is MEGA full, which pisses me off, because I seem to be the only person that manages to empty the trash, and right on top I see my big container of Clorox wipes thrown out...meaning they're gone. Now, I bought one of the extra huge ones that holds like 120 wipes about a month ago. That should have lasted us for several months. We mostly use it to clean up after the pets when they puke or have accidents or whatever, which isn't very often. They must be using these a ton to have gone through them that quickly. I knew they used them once to clean the bathroom (HOW well, exactly, can you clean a bathroom with Clorox wipes?), but didn't realize they were using them so frequently. So, now we're out. I'm tempted to go buy some and hide them in my room, so they won't use them. There are rags and CLEANING supplies for the bathroom and kitchen counters and whatnot. Ugh.

Then I go to feed the dog. His food is surrounded by all of the recycling that needs to be taken out. Now, recycling is Not!Emily's ONE chore in the house (besides doing his own dishes). We had a meeting and everything...it was decided that I would take care of taking the trash out, but he would take care of the recycling. I don't know when the last time he actually took it down was. He's maybe taken it down twice since he moved in. So, it's so full right now that we have a pile of stuff that needs to go in it sitting by the door to the balcony. Not the most attractive thing.

I am SO over living with people (Emily excluded...she's still people, but we work things out pretty easily). I'm tempted to take the recycling and his dirty dishes into his precious clean room while he's gone today and plop them on the bed. But, that would cause tension and confrontation. And we have to live together for another 4.5 months. So, I won't. BUT, I will not be doing his dishes. They can sit there till kingdom come, for all I care. He can bitch and moan and say they're not his, and I'll smile and say, "But they are, and they'll be there till you wash them."

And, maybe it's time to leave a nasty note about the recycling, since that seems to be the way he likes to work. Yeah. That's what I'll do. I'll leave him a sticky note on his door before I go to dinner tomorrow night, "reminding" him that it is trash/recycling night.

He's nice. His girlfriend is nice. But, it seems to me that he likes to live with women so he'll be taken care of. Sorry, buddy. Those days are over.

Oh, yesterday I picked up some toilet paper and paper towels at the grocery store, because we were running low (I usually buy them in bulk, but since I don't have a car anymore that's more difficult). I was doing grocery shopping with my Old Lady Cart, so I could only carry so much. So, I bought a six-pack of TP and two rolls of PT. I warned Emily that the six rolls of TP in the bathroom were it. If they started getting low this weekend, someone would have to run to CVS and buy more. I'd try to get a big pack of them when I get back from NY. But, I'm just envisioning Not!Emily coming out of the bathroom looking for TP and then being furious because there is no more. Dude. You have no right to get upset when suddenly there is no TP. It's not like you buy it, or really ever offer to chip in on it, so, go buy some freaking TP.

Oh, and while you're at it, replace my Clorox wipes, some coffee cream, and DO YOUR DISHES.

Ahem.

Man, do I sympathize with your situation, vw. You go through so much already so having a bad roommate on top of it is teh suxor. I've never been able to come up with a good solution for situations like that, which is why I've bounced between having housemates and living alone for a number of years. Astounding as it is to me, people's baselines for "common decency" vary wildly. I saw this in my old work where we were all responsible for putting our own dishes in the dishwasher and other minimums. The people who left their old coffee grounds in the sink or took the last paper towel without replacing the roll were people I just couldn't understand.

One thing my RSI has forced me into is weighing my stressors. Being angry causes me physical pain so I have to ask myself if it's worth it. If I were in your position, I wouldn't feel too bad about having my own stash of things like Clorox wipes or other things that Not!Emily tends to use without replacing. Yeah, it feels petty. Yeah, maybe other people will judge. But fuck that shit. This isn't your problem. You're not the one who's being rude. You were generous and understanding up to a point and now you're sick of being taken advantage of. There's no shame in that.

It's up to you to decide how effective notes will be. Some people pay attention to them. Others don't. There's no use to writing them if they just crank up tension unless it's simply to have a written record of your side of the story. OTOH, if they work, then note away.

In past housemate situations I've had that were similar to what you've got going on, I just protected myself as much as possible. If I had something I didn't want "borrowed", I hid it. Although a housemate's laziness and/or slovenliness would drive me crazy, I decided not to clean up for them unless I really felt my need for clean was going to make me feel better. If it was just going to fuel my anger at the lazy one, I wouldn't do it. This only works for situations where you know you have to grit your teeth and deal until the roomie is out of your life. Because eventually, I would explode. I couldn't swallow it forever.

With age, though, I found it has been somewhat helpful to ask myself how much my anger is worth it. Does my anger hurt the person who deserves it? Does it motivate them to do what I'd like them to do? If not, there are probably better things for me to do with the energy because the anger actually hurts my body.

Since you and Emily seem to be on the same page about roomie things, do you have any leverage in talks with Not!Emily?

Anyway...I'm sorry you're having to go through that. I remember saying you were looking forward to getting a place with Emily in the future and I hope that comes to pass quickly.