I think today my body is making up for not eating while I was in the hospital. I've eaten like four times already. This is crazy. You'd think I was back on the steroids.

Steph, I, too found out last night that communication works. It's hard. But it works. I'm glad you guys had the talk.

For the first time in a long while, Owen just wanted to crawl into my lap and fall asleep.

Note to billytea: He fell asleep to my own rendition of Walting Matilda--which remains one of his favorites.

Tep, I got all caught up much too late to say anything much but: What they all said. I'm sorry you're feeling all stressed and besieged by the body image/self esteem demons. They're lying to you. As they always do. They did it a few weeks ago when you went out clothes shopping and came back here full of totally unwarranted despair, and they're doing it now. They're just waiting to pounce at a time when you're feeling especially vulnerable.

Also at a time when you've been smart and kind to yourself and brave. You are pretty and you should have pretty things, so you defied the BIDs by going out looking for nice clothes, and they lashed back because your defiance pissed themoff. And now you've made an emotionally and physically pleasurable connection with someone, and you want to protect your heart and clarify things and know where you both stand, so you defied a host of demons and had a real grown-up Talk with the boy, and the demons are now supremely pissed off at your refusal to cower before them and shut up. Fuck them, man. They're liars, and they don't have as firm a hold on you as they used to and they want to punish you for it. Fuck 'em.

I couldn't get Leif to go to sleep last night. He got into bed at 8:30pm and it was about 9:45pm before he actually went to sleep. Maybe his adventure had him all worked up.

Which I'm quoting from one of these shows we watch or somebody we know, I can't remember which. "I don't want to be crazy in love. I want to be sane in love."

That'd be me, but I'm not sure I've ever been mistaken for a teevee show, or at least not a Buffista-approved one.

All that advice up there? Good advice. And I'll add that this is not a boy who's off secretly thinking you're gross; the connection you've described is much too honest and open for that kind of backchannel crap. It sounds to me like he's one of the folks -- like a lot of us -- who think you're as fabulous and smart and worthwhile as we say we do. And whether that adds up to big cinematic etc. or not, the current state is good for the Tep.

That'd be me

I knew it was somebody smart! (also that it wasn't my line)

I can't add to the advice. It's good stuff and my own relationship cred is pretty dismal at the moment.

Ok. Signing off. Next time you *see* me, I'll look REALLY goofy. And there will be pictures. Oh, yes.

"You remind me of a TV show / That's all right, I'll watch it any way." -- The Feelies

For the first time in a long while, Owen just wanted to crawl into my lap and fall asleep.

That's good stuff. Every once and a while Leif will crawl into my lap, but he doesn't usually stay there very long.