Jeff Foxworthy says the most effective way to call in sick is to wait a minute then say "Oh no! There it goes again!" He used to do it and NOBODY asked him any questions.

BWAH! That's wonderful. And, noted for future use.

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Okay, now I'm starting to torment my nice boss. And their posing is getting less and less credible.

Me: "You know [recruiting asst] is going on her honeymoon in April and will be gone for three weeks. Then she comes back and goes to a conference. So someobdy - probably me - is going to have to pick up the recruiting slack because the season is starting to get busy.
Boss: [panicky look in her eyes] "Well, we can just give it to [new temp with your job title]. He's done that kind of thing before, and I just don't want to put any more work on your work schedule. You're already handling so much."

Note: This is an absolutely ridiculous proposition since I was the recruiting assistant for two years and still handle all those duties on a regular basis.

Me: "I'm sure he can learn to do the tasks after he learns them, but he's not going to be able to hit the ground running. He may have handled expenses elsewhere but that's not going to be the same process here. Also, he's a temp so he doesn't have access to the applicant tracking system. He doesn't know what to include with an offer letter, or how we process those. That's just to start."

Boss: looks very stressed and makes complainy noises about the workload in our department and all the stuff we need to clean up

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David, keep tormenting. I know she's the nice!boss, but still, take what amusement you can from playing dense.

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Keep turning those thumbscrews, baby.

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Aww. It's a new trend! Significant others are in this spring!

Not scarves? I thought it would be scarves. Damn. Now I have to go shopping.

I know how to do *that*, I just need to actually meet one before we go for the safe word place.

JZ's Bro? Paging JZ's Bro.

Luckily, I'm getting paid for the time taking the test or else there's no way I'd invest so much in something that might not pan out.

Okay, much less indignant on your behalf in that case. Also, test~ma.

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David, keep tormenting. I know she's the nice!boss, but still, take what amusement you can from playing dense.

I like her, but they're skeezing me in a lot of ways.

No performance meetings or discussions. No complaints about anything I've done. And I've initiated many meetings with her and only gotten positive feedback.

Firing on the last of the month to cheap me out of benefits.

No notice. Fire and leave the same day so you don't get to at least deal with your desk, or say goodbye.

Only two weeks severance after working here almost three years.

Being so fucking Not Subtle about it by hiring a temp with my job title and then lying to me about what that means.

Plus they're totally shooting themselves in the foot. For the three HR admin positions in April they're going to have one woman who started this month and has never processed anything in the payroll system yet, and one temp who started this week. And the managers don't know how to use the systems here either.

Not to mention I created the CLE tracking database and the vacation balance reports and there's no way they can have somebody step in and take those over. Both of those will be fucking disasters that they'll have to fix with either a very expensive consulting fee (CLE will need an Access expert) or hours and hours of tedious handwork (for the vacation reports).

Whatev.

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Plus they're totally shooting themselves in the foot

This makes me very happy.

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I don't know if I missed it, but are they firing you to save money by using the temp? Or because they have taken some crazy disliking to you?

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Plus they're totally shooting themselves in the foot.

Good. It's only what they deserve right now.

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Paging JZ's Bro.

Now that would just make me sound a little slutty. Maybe just coffee or a drink first.

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