I know it can't possibly be anything but very cold comfort, MG, but I remember an article in Salon from a few months back, by a woman who had poured a great deal of time and effort and love into mentoring a teenage girl in her community, only to see the girl piss it all away. She was left frustrated and heartsick and feeling very, very betrayed.
Among the letters responding to this article were a couple from women who had been that girl, years ago in another lifetime. Both of them had fucked up mightily, betrayed their mentors' trust, and gone through years of unhappiness before getting their lives together. But both of them said that it was their mentors' high expectations, toughness, and refusal to shield them from the consequences of their own screwups that had helped them, even years later. They still feel awful about their betrayals and don't know how to atone or approach the people they let down, but they both said it mattered
hugely
that they could look back and remember someone who'd expected better of them, who'd believed in them enough to feel betrayed when they failed. It took years (in one woman's case, a decade), but that trust and those expectations were a lifeline. It was just crushing for everyone involved that they weren't able to grab that lifeline when it was first offered, but years later, when they were ready, it mattered.
But, oh, I'm so heartsick for you and for C in the here and now.
Thanks JZ. I know I only "had" her for 7 months, but hopefully she learned something during that time.
When I was a teen, my mom took in a friend of mine and she lived with us my junior and senior yet. My mom got her all kinds of medical, dental, and psychological help, helped her with college...all that....and we never hear from her anymore. Once she moved out, she didn't look back. I've seen her a handfull of times since then and she cut many of her ties to her teen years because "they reminded her of a bad part of her life". Still, I hope that she gained something from the experience.
I want C to succeed and grow. She was making so much progress and was looking forward to college. That future is not impossible for her, even now, but it will be a much harder road.
MG, I'm so sorry about this. It's a pity that C can't face up to her mistakes; maybe if she'd been with you longer she'd be able to. But you've shown her a different way to live and maybe that will change the way she lives when she's mature enough. Whatever happens, you did everything you could for her, and that's all you can ask of yourself.
Raq, I got your package, by the way! Thanks! Owen's t-shirt is adorable--he loves spelling out the letters in his name.
And the outfits for Olivia are too cute--DH loved the monkeypants note!
I was going to say what Hec and JZ said, but I was framing those things in terms of Faith's character arc, rather than real examples, so it seemed kind of trite.
Yay for K-Bug, though! Way to be mature and stuff! And yay for road trip!
And seriously, in a sea (C) full of bad influences, C had you as a lifeline, and so yes, she used you, but she didn't
use
you. She'll get to a point where she'll see (C) that good choices are possible because of you.
Glad you guys got it, Cash!
And weird that you posted while I was typing...
Hey Perkins, guess what I'm listening to RIGHT NOW? Thank you, sweets!!!
Yay! I still need to send one part, which I will do tonight.
MG, sometimes the mess that gets made of a young person's life because of family dysfunction, and her own dysfunction - sometimes it takes more than one broom to sweep it up.
