Speaking of bad writing -- Okay, so I know it's not fan fiction and thus not on topic but, I am currently reading a book all too reminiscent of an HP fic written by an eleven year-old. The thing of it is, it was written by my neighbour. Who wants my opinion on it. Can anybody teach me to lie about writing skills before I have to take to diving under the geraniums whenever I see her?

...is your neighbour an eleven year old? 'Cause if so, that's way cool. If not - there will be something positive you can find in the story. Really. I teach 7 year olds, I'm sure you can find something that she's done well and start out by saying 'Well, the .....was carefully done, or was imaginative, or was interesting, or LONG, or something and I was surprised by such-and-such', or whatever. Start off with the positive. ASK if the resemblance to HP is due to a conscious decision to target the same market with a similar product, or whether it might be an uncoscious influence.

Check what her target audience is, and ask what other books she's read that aim at that target audience - if it IS Harry Potter, can she pinpoint what it is that makes JKR's fiction so popular (outwith the media frenzy) - points of style and plotting.

Tell her it's an impressive piece of amateur fiction and a good starting place for writing something more serious, if that isn't an outright lie. I mean, we've all got to start somewhere, right?

Ask her what SHE thinks are the strengths of the piece, the things that set it apart from other stories and make it worth reading. Ask her what she thinks are the bits that need the most polishing.

Tell her that you're really honoured that she respects your judgment enough to trust you with this thing and to seek out your opinion. With that established, point her diplomatically to the parts that you think suck, and say why they aren't as strong as you believe she can make them - that with someone less mature, you'd maybe just lie and say 'it was great', but because you respect her and understand that she wants to become as good as she can, you're being honest about your take on it, in the hopes that this can be helpful. Emphasis that a criticism of the story or the style is not a criticism of her as a person.

If she's still hurt after that much eggshell-treading, then she's a silly cow, and you can just say you regret hurting her feelings, and maybe your judgment isn't the kind of thing she needs after all.

No, see, the thing is, she's middle-aged. The book has been published. She just decided to give me a copy as if to say "See what I did? I'm ever so clever. Aren't you impressed?" And I know she'll be expecting a pat "Yes, that was a remarkably moving piece of literature" or something as a response, but that would be a big fat lie, and I am an appalling liar. Oh dear.

I used a HP fic analogy because the Mary-Suishness of the thing is unbelievable. I can barely get through it. Maybe it's just not my sort of thing. I think I can work that angle...

Huh. Forget all that.

Okay, who are the publishers? What kind of story are we talking?

I ask for entirely selfish need-to-target-those-publishers type reasons. Ahem.

I think I'm gonna pull my new red hair out. Excuse me, one minute. No, kidding, Jars. Actually, you can tell her the truth. Just not all of it. Like "I was reminded of Harry Potter("As envisioned by a whiny preteen," can be your secret.) "I've been thinking about nothing else since you gave it to me."(Mostly wondering who buys this crap.) Stuff like that.

Hmm... Mount Eagle publishers, apparently. I think they might be Irish. Fay, if you can do better than

Sailing along, everything fine one day and then out of the blue a kick in the teeth to pull you up.

and I know you can, these people will publish you. How many metaphors does a very short sentence need?

It's the moving tale of a young Irish woman whose husband is paralysed shortly after their wedding, who then falls in love with her sister's husband. It's like a bad episode of Emmerdale.

Oh dear.

Yikes.(Or whatever the equivalent is for Irish folk.) So you could say "I got an Emmerdale feeling off of it."(Which she'll take as praise and you'll know otherwise.)

So you could say "I got an Emmerdale feeling off of it."(Which she'll take as praise and you'll know otherwise.)

Ah ha! This just might work. Thank you. I still feel like I should finish it though, painful as it will probably be. I shall never again think derisive thoughts about the Nikita writer that Dana quotes at us. Possibly.

Not like I've been in that situation, or anything.(And I'm worried I do that to somebody right now, AINFG.)