I thank you!

Meanwhile: Arthur Dent/Ford Prefect . The same site has a whole host of improbable slashings, including Pickering/Higgins (Pygmalion), Lister/Rimmer, Plunket/Macleane... And my personal favourite, Father Dougal/Father Ted

MY EYES!!!

ARGHH!!

Still, one hopes that Father Jack isn't involved.

No, nothing involving Father Jack. Go on, give it a go. It's good. It's script-style, and very Father Ted- ish, and nothing graphic in the slightest. All perfectly seemly, in a delicate-fade-to-black kind of way. I laughed like a drain. It's called 'The Madness':

Int. Parochial House. Ted is sitting at the dining table, reading the latest addition of `Halo' - the front headline is "Pope Admits to Liking Cheese". The rest of the table is covered in the sort of mess you would associate with a five year old who has just discovered the delights of model aeroplane making. It is Dougal's latest hobby. He is not present, but his latest effort - a plane with three wings - is. Father Jack is in his usual chair, fast asleep. Occasionally he mutters obscenities in between the snores. The relative calm is soon broken by the loud sound of the front door being slammed shut, followed by the appearance of Dougal, who bursts into the room in a state of considerable agitation.)

DOUGAL: Ted!

(He drops down onto the couch, leaning over the back so that he can see Ted.)

DOUGAL: Ted!

(Ted folds his magazine and places it on the table in front of him.)

TED: (bemused) Yes, Dougal? Did you have a good time with Father Lennon?

DOUGAL: You'd never believe it, Ted. He's gone completely mad.

(Ted moves over to join Dougal on the couch, pushing aside a cushion emblazoned with the face of Jesus so that he can sit as close as possible to the younger priest.)

TED: Now, you should be careful about saying things like that, Dougal. Remember what happened when you said that old Mr. O'Loughlin had gone mad?

DOUGAL: (sheepishly) ...Ah. Yes.

TED: It took Mrs. O'Loughlin *weeks* to get the mud from the psychiatrists' boots out of the carpet.

DOUGAL: She wasn't very happy, no...

TED: And remember the time you told Doug Wilson his cat was possessed?

DOUGAL: (guilty silence)

TED: We had bishops hanging around Craggy Island for *five days*! All because it made a strange noise when you stepped on its tail.

DOUGAL: (stubbornly) It had a crazed look in its eye, Ted.

TED: That may be so, but I highly doubt it was in league with Satan. I think the antichrist has better things to do with his time than eating fish and coughing up furballs.

(Dougal still doesn't look convinced.)

TED: Now, are you *sure* that Father Lennon is mad?

DOUGAL: (regaining enthusiasm now that they are back on his original topic of conversation) I've never been surer of anything in my life.

TED: (playing along, although he doesn't believe a word of it) And why do you say that?

DOUGAL: (seriously) He stuck his tongue in my mouth.

TED: (extremely flustered) Are you *sure* about that? You weren't just imagining it?

DOUGAL: Oh, it was in there alright, Ted. It was horrible. Who would want to do a thing like that?

(Ted coughs guiltily.)

TED: I believe it's called a French Kiss.

DOUGAL: Ah. That would explain it, then.

(There is a long pause. Then, suddenly:)

DOUGAL: Ted! Damo's not French!

TED: (calmly) Actually, all types of people kiss each other like that, Dougal. It's really very common.

(Dougal looks very surprised by this revelation.)

DOUGAL: You haven't done it, have you?

TED: (looking rather proud of himself) As a matter of fact, Dougal, I *have*.

DOUGAL: (shaking his head) The whole world's gone mad.

TED: (looking uncomfortable now) Did Father Lennon say *why* he was kissing you?

DOUGAL: ...No.

TED: No reason at all?

(Dougal looks blank.)

TED: Well, that doesn't surprise me.

(He tries to cover his jealously with an overly brisk manner.)

TED: I don't think you should see him any more, Dougal. He's not very nice.

DOUGAL: (easily) Okay, Ted. If you really think so.

t /Bad Influence

Fay, you tart. That's very well done, isn't it? Very like the show. I adore Father Ted.

Fine. I'll click on the link. You're such a bad influence.

Bwahahahahahaha!

BASTARD!!!

rubs hands together in the manner of Mr Burns

Oh, that's just wrong...

[link]

Who wants a heartbreaking Wes/Lilah from Jennifer-Oksana? I'm not sure if there's something spoilery in there or not, it refers to an event that may happen on the show, and I've often wondered if she writes from a spoiled point of view.

HAHAHA!

I haven't read it, so I don't know if she's including spoilers in there, but yeah, JennyO is spoiled. (reads)

I'm not seeing any spoilers.