here in Puerto Rico!! There are many palm trees and they had pine tree like decorations up. We arrived here on the 7th, right after 3 Kings Day.

We are in San Juan and it is beautiful. I like it here. I wish I could spend more time aways from the hotel but unfortunately, the work thing interferes with that. At least the hotel is half decent and has a lovely pool and mango margaritas.

Also feeling quite awful and unhealthy and ugly and fat. I wonder if some of that is being surrounded by many slender women in very skimpy bikinis, or the fact that I don't have my in-house affection stroking needs attended to or if it's just that I am unhealthy and overweight, but gotta get on reversing that.

From way back... If I left New England, I would most certainly be leaving my life as I know it. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, but even moving up to Salem rocked my world pretty powerfully. I am exteremely provincial. Even the move up to the North Shore completes that circle; my mother was born in Salem.

I'd love to move to the west coast or to Europe but it would certainly be equivilant, to me, to starting over from scratch in every way, which I termed, as "giving up my life" here where I am. Sometimes that is appealing.

So that's where I came from on that.

Also, I am super cranky. I want to go home to my life because it sure as fuck ain't here. Also, fat and lonely. Also, practically no internet till I broke down and paid $4.95 for an hour of wireless. Also, shit. If it were sunnier out I'd cheer myself by lazing by the pool, but it's cloudy and raining here while it's 50 degrees at home.

Wow, I wasn't as upset when I *started* this post...

Kristin, love, I hope you're getting some sleep. You poor, sweet thing.

Ugh. I'm feeling like a big stupidhead this morning. I let something related to health insurance/finances completely fall through the cracks, because I *thought* I was covered. Now I have about $450 worth of prescriptions to pick up today that I'm going to have to pay for out of pocket, because of that idiocy. Ugh.

{{{Nora}}}

I let something related to health insurance/finances completely fall through the cracks, because I *thought* I was covered. Now I have about $450 worth of prescriptions to pick up today that I'm going to have to pay for out of pocket, because of that idiocy.

Oh, shit vw.

Also, to talk about something other than my own stupid self pitying self, horray for flea, and hugs to Kristin for many many reasons, and good vibes to Cass and her family. It sounds like your grandmother's passing was as peaceful as it could have been and your love had everything to do with it.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Just talked to my dad. He made me feel like even more of an idiot. He did the whole tough love thing of, well, "there are consequences to not opening/reading your mail, etc. You'll figure it out."

Thanks, dad.

Then I made the mistake of telling him that my therapist and I are considering whether staying in my job is the best decision for me. He made a list of all of the reasons why I should stay (without letting me explain the context), which just makes me feel like even more of a failure for considering this.

I'm in tears. I hate life. Sometimes, I really, really do.

I hate it when Dads pull shit like that. Yes, Dad. Thanks.

{{{{vw}}}}

Also {{Nora}}

{{{vw}}}

I am just poking my head in here, which I don't do often, and I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I think people sometimes don't understand the larger reasons for not opening mail, etc have to be dealt with, too.

Take care of yourself.

Do you have a social worker/Medicaid examiner you can talk to to help solve the problem/get you emergency funds for your meds? As much as you think you may have screwed up, there are lots of people who screw up WAY worse than you, I am sure.

Thanks, guys.

I don't have a social worker that I can call, which sucks. I may be able to go by finance at the hospital today and see what they can work out. I'll also talk to my therapist, and we may page my shrink to see if he can call in a favor. I just feel so stupid. I'm usually on top of this stuff.

shit happens, vw. And you have a plan, so it's not like you're just flailing in the face of the problem, which is definitely a good, and something to be proud of.

It constantly amazes me how smart/savvy you have to be to get the correct benefits from food stamps/medicare/medicaid etc. It is like another job. I always think about people who are not a smart/savvy/proactive/mentally healthy as vw or my best friend and wonder how they do it, when, at least for my best friend, it requires a lot of work and frustration.