Ugh, Erika. I've gone through so many stages with my dad - from outright hatred, to real hurt, to not giving a damn, to trying to appreciate the good and forget the bad, to pretending not to know him, to...well, all of it. I lived with my parents for a year after leaving school and didn't address him directly the entire time (not actually hard, when he was either not there or drunk). Now I'm at sort of a good place, where I can enjoy what's good about him and the rest - I'm really not affected by if I choose not to be.

But it took a fucking lot to get to that place, and my sister is not remotely there, which drags me back in since I am a total mama bear where she's concerned. And I've heard second hand that my bro, who's going through a lot of internal struggles right now, is talking to him a lot which - well, he'd be the last person I'd go to for life advice. But if my brother's getting something from him, then good for him. I like him now, even, in a way, mostly, but it's a lot because I'm pretty detatched.

All of that to say, yeah, I get it. And also that your brother's jokiness is probably as much a defense mech as anything. If you make yourself see it as funny (which to an outsider it can be) then maybe it's a step along the road of not letting someone else's bs control your life/emotions/reactions. But if hearing it isn't doing that for you, tell him.

It's really not. But it's pretty impossible to tell my brother anything, especially if he has to stop doing some shtick because of it. And yeah, some of the stuff has a funny side, but more like if it wasn't you. Sometimes I can laugh, but for me personally right now, the timing's pretty terrible what with all the Family all over everywhere these days.(sadly, don't mean LCN...them I understand. Well, a little.) Part of it is, A. talks to my father...he's the "Michael" right? He runs the business, so he gets Dad's view, and my brother is a decent guy who's also watched a little too much TV, so he thinks that his sister Fredo and the Don have had a Wacky Misunderstanding(TM) and if we spend the right 22 minutes together we'll work it out and hug. I don't think that. Not anymore. So I try not to think of them ever and try to pretend I really am in vegas(or somewhere) all fresh-started, right? But he thinks that is hard, I'm sure. But it's what you have to do when people don't want much part of you.

Brenda, that's a great-looking family in that picture. And the fireplace picture is gorgeous.

(((Cass))) (((Cass' grandma)))

Yay, consumer Lilybean!

(((vw)))

If I missed anything else important, please sum up. Couple days of flu plus a day of cable outage due to ice storm = not caught up, and not likely to be. Still, I'm in in the first 500 of the new thread, yay! Catchy title, too!

*waves at Beverly*

Yeah, s'all I got at the moment.

What you don't see, in the fireplace picture, is how the dog kept sitting by the fire and getting so overheated she'd get sick and go and puke on the carpet, and then go sit by the fire again until...Yeah, all night long.

Maybe that's a good segue into the dad stuff...

Erika, all I have to say is, for me, pretending was what did the worst to me. Pretending find something funny when I didn't, pretending to care when I didn't, pretending it was all okay when it wasn't. I worked some of that shit out on my own, to the point where now, whatever sores there are inside are not present in my day-to-day life. But that was a long, hard road, and worrying about other people's reactions only made things fester. So tell him to fuck off if the jokes aren't funny. Tell him right out - you know, that's really hurtful to me that you're making this seem like a joke, and I don't give a shit if you think I'm overreacting - would be my call.

And that has its own consequences, for sure. But - and I can't believe I'm saying this to you, when you've helped me be so much more honest with myself - "to thine own self be true yadda yadda." You get some shit from it, for sure. But for me, coming out the other side, it was crazy worth it.

[Um, I mentioned the wine, right?]

Jilli, did I point you to this book before? Captain Hook: The Adventures of a Notorious Youth?

You haven't, but I've been looking at it longingly for a bit now. But I am officially Not Allowed To Buy Books Until After The Holidays. Pesky rules ...

goes back, re-reads about Lily and the sippy-cup

Yay! Thank goodness!

Tell him right out - you know, that's really hurtful to me that you're making this seem like a joke, and I don't give a shit if you think I'm overreacting - would be my call.

erika, that's my gut reaction, too. "Hey, that isn't a joke to me, so don't expect me to share your amusement."

Yay, consumer Lilybean!

She's shopping now? How precocious!

No, conSUMing. As in, comestibles. Well, such comestibles as will fit in a sippy cup.

But really, can shopping be far behind?

Well, I e-mailed my brother, but it is not a total come-to-Jesus as I also suggested a Christmas gift for Grandma: A donation to Habitat For Humanity. Because my grandmother kinda...doesn't *like* anything. You know, she has no fandoms, doesn't really read, buys no scented soap, and has a finicky digestive tract. She's less dour than that description makes her sound, but still, giving her a present can be one of the great disappointments of your year, especially as she is phasing out of cooking and stuff. Whatever it is gets the same "Oh, great," but you never see it again, you know? So at least someone would get good things from bro's $.

No, conSUMing. As in, comestibles. Well, such comestibles as will fit in a sippy cup.

Well, sure. She has to keep up her strength to fight the crowds at the mall.