( continues...) Grandma woke up, was disturbed and mom sent me for the Ativan and pushed the extra morphine bump on the pump. Mom also showed me how to do at least the basic things on the radio.

Within an hour we'd gotten her pain and agitation under control. She was maybe trying to talk but it was usually just one word so there wasn't any context. But mom talked to her and touched her cheek and I held her hand quite loosely because she has such excruciating bone pain.

Mom went back to bed the couch and is back asleep thankfully. I am more worried about her than anyone else. Getting her to take any time for herself is a struggle. And by time for herself, grocery shopping would do. (She knows about delivies and wants to do it herself at least right now. Comfortable, familiar and life-sustaining... I might be overanalyzing a bit.)

I stayed at grandma's bedside for about 20 minutes. I tried to tell her everything I want her to hear from me.

And then came here to gripe about losing my whole other post because it was something I wish I still had. I'll have to let it suffice that I did put the words down, even if I was the only one who saw them and I was paying attention to the writing, so I don’t really have a good backup in my mind.

I'm going to go sit with her again and try to help her accept that we love her and are going to miss her terribly. And that we will also always remember her and she will also be an important member of our family, just not required to dress up for family dinners anymore. I keep telling her that there's no need for her to cling in such pain and not let go if she is ready. Saying goodbye...

Oh and I hear coughing. And rattling. Off to see if I can make her more comfortable as well.

Cass, I'm so sorry. I feel like I keep saying the same thing over and over.

My bad. I keep telling you bad or sad things. Often both.

And it is nice to hear it. It’s like the text version of saying it with your hand on my arm to show that you really mean it.

Wow, I started “this” post at 10. Actual posting at 4:30...

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Cass, all comfort and strength to you and yours.

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hugs Cass

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all comfort and strength to you and yours.

smiles happily with more than a hint of tired

Thank you. The people here have helped me through a lot of painful and difficult places. There just aren't words, as much as I like to make them up, to descibe how that makes me feel. And so many people here have made happy and wonderful places even better.

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And with that mash note to 'fistas, I am off to the other room for few more hours.

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{{{sweet Cass}}}

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My bad. I keep telling you bad or sad things. Often both.

No, baby. Not one bit.

And it is nice to hear it. It’s like the text version of saying it with your hand on my arm to show that you really mean it.

As long as it's not annoying. If it gets annoying, you get free pass, plus extra-credit, and can tell us all to bugger off.

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{{Cass}} I am so, so sorry and have been thinking of you and your grandmother. Peace for you all, I hope, soon.

also, {{vw}}. Hope that this is all a scare that will pass quickly with no lingering ill effects.

Note to self: call Grandma today.

My dad goes in for bariatric/gastric bypass surgery today. If anyone has some spare ~ma floating around at about 1pm EST/10am board time today, both he and I would surely appreciate it. Off to his treehouse to touch base and let them know I will be updating them on his surgery and recovery.

I just hope the surgery is successful, in that he survives it with no ill effects, (he has blood clot issues) and that the recovery goes well, in that he doesn't weaken or tear the stirching of the new stomach, and that he is able to lose the weight he needs to. He's morbidly obese and things have been way worse, mobility-wise, since he broke his femur about a year and a half ago.

Anyway. I hope this is a good day for us all.

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Peace to your grandmother and your family, Cass. You know we're all thinking about you.

{{{vw}}}

Nora, I hope the surgery goes smoothly and that it turns out to be the answer for him.

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I'll be thinking of you, Cass.

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