re: tagline. It's from an article about a school for people to learn to breathe fire. Well, to spit flammable liquid from their mouths while lighting it on fire.

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are you afraid or do you just "get used to it" after a while and accept your fate... or rather, trust in God

Well, some people stopped getting on buses altogether (I didn't), some people stopped going to places which are considered "higher risks", like Jerusalem (I didn't), some people are just more careful wherever they go, keep their eyes open (finally, something that I also do).

I don't think it's possible to really get used to this. I think that at some point, it's a conscious choice, to just continue living. And it's a choice I have to make every time I board a bus or go to visit friends in Jerusalem or look around to make sure no bag-without-owners is left anywhere around. I think that you can get to the routine duties that this situation puts you through, but not to the rationale behind them. That's how it's for me, at least.

Cass! How are you doing?

[Edit:

It's from an article about a school for people to learn to breathe fire

Who knew that breathing fire could be so insightful?]

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I don't think it's possible to really get used to this. I think that at some point, it's a conscious choice, to just continue living.

I think at some point, you have to just make that choice. Be observent, be careful, but live your life also.

How are you doing?

I am contemplative. My grandma passed away this morning. She was always so alive and vibrant, until just a month ago.

I spent a lot of that time with her (at my parent's house) and was there this morning. So I am saddened, but quietly, if that makes any sense.

The hardest part, for me, is past now. I miss her but I believe she is at peace now. And hopefully with my grandpa again because she missed him so much when he died ten years ago.

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Oh, Cass. My condolences. And my heart goes out to you.

The hardest part, for me, is past now.

I know what you mean. My own grandmother's passing was quite similar to what you described, a few years ago, so I think I understand your point.

I am saddened, but quietly, if that makes any sense

It makes perfect sense. Oh, but how difficult the last month must have been for you!

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My condolences. And my heart goes out to you.

Thank you.

I know what you mean. My own grandmother's passing was quite similar to what you described, a few years ago, so I think I understand your point.

Yes, this. I am sad but I am okay also. Her quality of life went away so quickly that it made sense to me to want her to be free of the pain and the confusion...

It makes perfect sense. Oh, but how difficult the last month must have been for you!

I leaned a lot on a few local close friends, wonderful people in Bitches and spent a lot of late nights emailing Buffistas when I was most fragile and they helped hold my hand and hold me up.

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Cass, is it OK if I ask you to tell me a story about your grandmother, the way you remember her and love her?

spent a lot of late nights

Well, you know that due to timezones your nights are my days. If there's anything I can do, anything at all, even just making sure you know that there's somebody else awake and you're not the only one, please let me know, OK?

And lots of love and strength to your family, as well.

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Drat, Phoenix ate my post. I had written down several memories but my favorite of the moment is from the end of this summer so I will rewrite that one.

I had gone to grandma's house to make the two of us dinner and spend a few hours talking. I brought all of the ingredients for shrimp scampi and a bottle of wine.

I did not, however, remember to bring a corkscrew to open the bottle. I told her that I didn't really care if I had a glass of wine or not, but she had decided that a lack of a corkscrew wasn't going to get in her way. And she doesn't even drink wine.

She attacked the bottle with knives, screws, hanging hooks and a couple of nails that she hammered through the cork. She just wouldn't give up. She is just stubborn once she puts her mind to something.

Thirty minutes later she had managed to rip out about half the cork and pushed the rest into the bottle. Then she strained the wine through a coffee filter. It took longer than that for us to stop laughing about it.

Stubborn *and* resourceful. God I admired that about her.

Whenever we were saying goodbye, she always said, "Grandma loves you." I am going to miss hearing that.

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It took longer than that for us to stop laughing about it.

Cass, that was an awesome story. Especially with the coffee filter in the end, for the final touch.

She reads like a very special lady. And like you had not only known that while she was alive, but had also shown her that you do, too.

Stubborn *and* resourceful

As are you, what with not letting the eating-posts computer stop you from telling the story you wanted to tell. So it seems to me that you didn't just admire it in her, you also got some of it in yourself, as well.

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Cass, thanks for telling that story. That's a great memory. Nilly, thanks for asking the question.

It's snowing here--tiny little flakes, and they're accumulating quickly, on the ground. Ever since the accident, I've been afraid to drive in the snow, even though I wasn't driving in the accident. I have to leave for church in an hour, because I teach an adult Sunday School class, before hand. I'd call and cancel, but we've only got three sessions left, and have canceled several classes recently. Wish me no-skidding-in-the-new-car. Eep.

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::crosses fingers for no-skid-ma::

It's accumulated visibly in the last half hour, which is at least making everything pretty! I expect it will warm up enough to melt by the end of church -- it will around here, anyway -- if I went to church, but I'll be going to yoga instead.

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