I am ready to leave y'all. I'm going up to the bar for drinks after work. I will take notes on its diviness. 3 memos before I go.

1) Dear Ex-other office girl,

You were at the same meeting I was. Everyone else heard what you heard. You were the only one who couldn't follow directions. Do not fuck with my boss. You screwed up.

2) Dear co-workers,

Bless you for working so hard on this thing for me. This is my first big project, and while I look like I have things down because I have a schedule and agenda and shit, I only have all that stuff because I'm terrified it's going to all spin out of control and it'll be on my head. Thanks for pitching in with ideas and volunteering and stuff. Y'all rock.

3) Dear client,

No. I will not give you the number of every AE we work with. No. I will not give you the number of every Bank in the known universe, nor will I tell you the interest rate every day. I am not 411, I am not your Yahoo personalized homepage.

You know what's adorable? My dad leaving a message for me be sure to call my mom this weekend. Like I'd forget. But since he's out of town and got to see me, he considers her less lucky. Meanwhile, my mom has a full weekend planned doing stuff dad wouldn't be interested in.

Guess how you tell if a mouse is depressed? Hang it by its tail. Depressed mice struggle less. There's something hilariously wrong with that description.

Ever considered a career in thread assassination?

Why, yes, I have!

nearly average.

Done! Wanna hear about the few remaining CLECs and what's going to happen to tariffing in the legacy co-op providers?

Aww. Poor depressed mouse! Makes me sad for him.

Struggle, depressed mouse! Struggle!

Someone needs to cook up a folk song for that mouse, pronto.

And, on that note: later, peeps.

Struggle, depressed mouse! Struggle!

Unless it's my mother holding the tail. In that case, it's simpler to give up and let it pass quickly.

There was no ginger ale down the hill! It's like a fucking conspiracy to deprive me.

Anyone know why I keep wanting to use the word "pussies" as an insult while I'm at work? It's never even about people here. I hope my switchouts for "wusses" aren't too obvious. I don't use the word as an insult anywhere else.

It's odd.

Daisy, EXACTLY. And just who came up with that idea as a test?

but lots of cell systems do not

When the barge took out the Interstate-40 bridge in Oklahoma a few years ago it also took out the utility lines that ran under the bridge. Sprint was down in much of eastern OK and western AR for a week. I think one other cellphone provider lost service, but I don't remember which.

You know what's truly sad? hearing some weird story about mice getting swung by their tails and thinking there's a metaphor for your life in it. Did you kill the President of Paraguay's thread with a fork, Gus? THat is my biggest question right now...apart from the sobering mouse analogy of course.

There was no ginger ale down the hill! It's like a fucking conspiracy to deprive me.

I think it is a conspiracy of deprivation (and not even just to deprive you). Our non caffeinated drink collection sucks ass.

Also, mint tea-- really not that calming.