It's been to long since I went to a gyno, I need to get on that soon.

ION, the Conference of the Doomed is underway. It remains to be seen how many people actually made it in. One of those who didn't - our CEO. Stuck in the airport in Hartford all night. Also, apparently his mother-in-law died last night. I'm going to have to start keeping a chart of the casualties this weekend, for sure.

Now I wonder if I am Hoo-hah or Goolie sized.

How does one tell?

All three of my gynos have been women. Two of them, including my current doctor, were terrific. The one I went to at Planned Parenthood so I could get my BC pills was awful. I went home and cried after dealing with her. Unfortunately, I didn't know that I had a right to call up PP and say her treatment of me was unacceptable. If, today, someone had (potential squick font) kept me waiting for two hours in a cold room, wearing nothing but a piece of paper that didn't even go around me, snarled at me when I said "owch" during the pap smear, told me not to whine since there weren't any nerves up there anyway, and then sent me on my way with a prescription and no info on how I'd get my pap smear test results or even what they were for? Head. On. A. Platter.

How does one tell?

Same way with pants. You try on the pair you know are going to be too big so that when you fit in the smaller size, you feel better.

Why do they have to call it a pediatric speculum? Why can't they come in sizes like "Wee-wee", "Hoo-hah", "Goolie", and "Has had 6 15 pound babies"?

Bwah! I had a pediatric speculum during my first exam. I didn't even know there was such a beast, but the doctor seemed to think it would be a good idea. I was...sixteen, I think. And they all still feel too big to me, three kids later.

It's been to long since I went to a gyno, I need to get on that soon.

I just went last week after a very long time. She was a new doctor to me and just wonderful. I complained about never getting used to this unpleasant business and she agreed that you never do. Some smart woman needs to figure out a better way.

And they all still feel too big to me, three kids later.

No kids, but me too. I always ask for the smallest one they have.

It occurs to me that I may be able to wrangle a BC scrip out of my regular doctor, if my ex-gyn won't return my calls.

"Has had 6 15 pound babies"?

They call this size "Lincoln Tunnel."

Now I wonder if I am Hoo-hah or Goolie sized.

How does one tell?

You measure by the largest size of tampon that just....falls out. Like, if "Slender Regular" does NOT fall out, you are the smallest size. If "Super" falls out, you're Hoo-hah sized. And if "Super Plus" falls out, you're Sonny Corleone-sized. (Please, someone get that joke.)

I wish I'd find out about my pap smear. It took two weeks to get my mammogram results (all clear, no change since the last one at least three years ago).

Oh! and the pap didn't hurt. Half the time I get a wave of nausea, a crampy ouch, and then spotting. Yuck. And yet none of this with the new doctor. I think she's a keeper. She didn't even give me a hard time for the length of time it had been or the lack of previous mammogram. She was just sweet.