Hubby frequently wakes me up when my dreams become so involving that I kick him etc. Generally, however, those are cool dreams where I'm kicking ass or having exciting chase scenes. Obviously my real nightmares don't involve much movement. It was a Freddy Krueger/Jason type night, and having to chop mad killers into bits while they try to kill you is not as relaxing as one might think. Kudos to my sub-conscious for having the wherewithal to fight back ferociously and effectively, but I want my Billy Idol dreams back, thank you very much.

I dreamed I was going to see Serenity and sitting between Alan Tudyk and Nathan Fillion. So clearly I got the good dream mojo last night.

juliana, let the old year end with its curses and a new year begin with its blessings. (Because Nilly is good to quote, and it's exactly what I want to say).

Tom woke me up last night because he said it sounded like I was having an anxiety attack in my sleep. That's no fun. I barely remember though.

Well, I had the fasting bloodtest this morning. I get the results tomorrow.

I fear them.

I have probably gained the 11 lbs that Fay lost (Go Fay!!) and additionally, they're doing that thing where they see how your glucose is for the past 6 months and I've had a very stressy past six months chockful of bad eating (stress eating) and not exercising (back spasm).

I'm not looking forward to a birthday where I'm told I can never eat cake.

Whine whine whine. I'm about to set off into the cold cruel world to go to a place I heartily dislike. A place where a large cranky man will be upset with me because his stooopid computer equipment keeps frelling up. Perhaps today I will point out that nowhere in my application paperwork does it say that I am skilled as a network administrator. Perhaps today I will stomp off crying and have myself a hissy fit. Feh, blech and ptui.

I cannot imagine how Juliana thinks she may have given offense, so I hereby officially relieve her of all responsibility for the state of my personal sensibilities and welcome her to our fair state of Schwarzeneggerdystonia, where I hope she will find all that she seeks.

I fear them.

Strength, sumi. If the tests are positive, you're going to hear lots of horror stories told by people who probably have no idea how scared you are. The person I first talked to about what to expect with diabetes was about 19, rail-thin, rampantly acned, and chewing gum. She couldn't have been more bored when she outlined the worst-case scenarios. I nearly strangled her.

That said, diabetes is serious. However, the horror stories are aimed at people who shrug and say, "I can still have a triple-dip sundae with extra chocolate every day, I'll just take shots later," they're not aimed at people who slip up occasionally but try their best. My pharmacist told me that most diabetics can't keep their blood sugar below 200, when the low 100s are the goal. My biggest struggle--aside from my inveterate potato cravings--is to try and keep the endless lectures from the media in perspective. I'm very tired of "You may have this! You may have that! Don't you realize that if you keep doing X you'll die??!!" The warnings get more and more strident, and people keep plugging their ears harder and harder.

If it's positive, it'll be hard. The cravings will be horrific. You may be one of the lucky folk who can do moderation. Remember, most of the medical information is aimed at dumb people. The trick is to filter out the useful information from the lectures.

{{{juliana}}} The only offense is that I have never had the opportunity to meet you live and in technicolor. But, I'm holding that against the Universe and not against you.

P-C!! So good to see you around these here parts. And, you don't suck.

Timelies, Bitches!

I just took Annabel to daycare and hung out for an hour or so to make sure she'd be OK. I don't work until this afternoon, since the person I'm replacing volunteers at a museum Monday mornings, but I have to run a bunch of errands and shovel down a quick lunch, and I thought it would be best to go ahead and get Annabel into the routine of the place as much as possible.

She's fine. I stayed until they served the kids breakfast, because I was really concerned she wouldn't want to eat different foods in a different place, given how weird she's been about trying new things lately. I shouldn't have worried. She sailed right in to peach slices and cereal with milk, even though her usual breakfast is yogurt, a banana, and cereal without milk. She barely noticed me leaving, she was so involved in her meal.

And having seen what the other kids are like upon arrival, I'm much less worried about her behavior. She may not be used to sitting at a table or lining up to walk to the playground, but she's also calm, happy, and self-contained, and while she throws the occasional tantrum, they're of mercifully short duration.

The Zombie attack killed me.

Go, Fay!

Good luck with the tests, sumi.

{{juliana}}

I survived my library brunch yesterday. The biggest surprise was one of the librarians in Tech Services showed up with his 3 year old daughter, and none of knew he had a daughter.

{{{Juliana}}} You are loved. You are valued. You are not alone.

Sumi, I understand teh scary. About the cake? Diabetics can have some carbs. How much your system can take at any given time will vary with a number of factors. Back in the early 1980s when my dad was diagnosed, he was advised, "Yes, you can have cake, but skip the icing." Nowadays, they'll say, carbs from sugars will affect you the same as carbs from starches, so if you want cake with icing, plan your meal(s) that day around it, have one (smallish) piece, and enjoy. Here is another factor: with the popularity of low-carb dieting, there are many more tasty less-carbtastic dessert options than there were 20 years ago. No matter what the results of your tests are, you can have a future featuring much delicious food that is also what your body needs.