under all of that is the terrified feeling that I'll never be as happy as I was with him

You'll be happier. I know that's pretty much impossible to see right now, and that's normal. You'll be *happier.* I promise. You don't need to be able to see that right now, because I do.

and I need to getOUT to get whole, but I need a job to stay whole

You WILL get a job. You absolutely will.

This sucks, it's a shitty rotten sucking chest wound of a situation, and it's going to continue to suck for a while. But you have people who love you and are going to take care of you and make DAMN sure that you come out the other side, whole and well and happy. And you WILL.

I absolutely mean that.

It is perhaps impossible to believe that now, but if you can't trust that feeling in yourself trust it from somebody who has been through a divorce. It will be okay.

This. Thisthisthisthis, a thousand times over. It is so hard, and so painful, but you will be OK.

You'll be happier. I know that's pretty much impossible to see right now, and that's normal. You'll be *happier.* I promise. You don't need to be able to see that right now, because I do.

What Teppy said. Here's why: You will be happier with somebody who loves you as much as you love them. Who chooses you with as much commitment as you choose them.

There have undoubtedly been many wonderful parts to your relationship with Zach. But he has not matched your love nor your commitment. That is the fact of it.

Nothing to add to all the wisdom that's already been posted, but {{{juliana}}}

Also, before I run out the door, I need to mention that whenever I read Jen's tagline, I hear it set to music -- specifically, Lyle Lovett's "Record Lady," only swapping "cervix" for "record."

It's quite catchy.

Okay. I'm gone!

Much love to you, beautiful Juliana.

ION, the Harvey cat just tried to eat the tissue with which I was blowing my nose. I think I got all the pieces out of his mouth. Then I had to get another tissue, as it is rather distracting to blow one's nose when there is a cat snap-biting in the general vacinity of one's face.

We all went through painful, difficult divorces. And yet our lives are better now than what they were.

Indeed. Unfortunately it is neither quick nor painless. After both my divorce and being widowed I thought I would never get past the pain. Yet you do. I usually think time passes too quickly, but in this case I hope that time flies for you so that you will be in a better place quickly.

Everyone else is wise.

Love, it will be okay. It will. And I know firsthand that having to move quickly when a divorce is impending and you are beyond traumatized is unbelievably stressful--but I have to believe that there is a reason, even if it's hard to see right now. What Hec said--I agree.

It doesn't make it any easier in the now, but know that in the future you will be happy again. We'll see to it.

And lady, having you close enough that I could physically come over and distract you with snuggles and Angel reruns would be wonderful.

{{{juliana}}} There are some wise people here. I can't add to what they said other than we love you.

Back at work today. I'm taking a class where I have to spend 80 hours in a high school, so I've been taking Thursdays off as vacation days and spending them in the school. I only have one more day left. I'm happy about that, but I've really enjoyed the time there. I've been there enough that I'm getting to know the kids and they are getting to know me. I've taught 1 lesson and will be doing another next week. It's been great and I know I'll miss it.

Snot monster crawled into my head and died.