Anne W., insent.

Timelies, all. There was a Good Stuff thing making the rounds upthread a bit. The best thing that happened to me this year was hearing that Mom's cancer was in remission. Huge weight off my mind.

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Timelies!

Yay for Nora!

vw, I'd still really like to contribute to your buffista research, if it's not too late.

Fay, it’s absolutely not too late. You can find the survey here: [link]

Just found out that the three kids of a friend i was going to see this weekend all have chicken pox. The oldest two had the vaccine. The youngest is 7 weeks old. Poor baby - I can't imagine what that would be like for him (and his mom. Three kids with chicken pox simultaneously!)

Ugh. How awful. Reminds me of our family a bit. I came down with the chicken pox 3 days after my baby brother came home from the hospital. Two weeks later, my other brother got them, 12 days after that the baby brother got them. My poor mom!

Anne, I have the same problem (hence a package that needs to go out to you that you *still* haven’t gotten). And, Emily’s birthday quilt from almost two years ago that still isn’t done. I’m worse, I think, with craft projects, but yes, it does ripple through life. This week alone I’m behind on two school assignments, but that’s not only procrastination…it’s also this asthma thing. I’m with Deena, lists help, but unfortunately there is no pill for this…just life-long working.

I think it’s important to note all of the factors and vulnerabilities too…it’s probably not *just* procrastination. You’ve been dealing with a lot with job stuff, moves, depression, etc. Those things feed the procrastination, and also give reasons for things being at a lower priority.

As with dealing the “messes” procrastination creates, apologies and honesty are what I find to work best. I know it’s uncomfortable, but people do love you, and they will forgive you.

I’m on house arrest today. Wonder if that means I can do laundry.

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Oh! I forgot to say my good thing. Hmmmm...there's so many. I finished my incompletes. I got a job. I'm taking a full course load this semester and plugging away. Actually, I guess the best thing is just that I'm still plugging away.

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vw - the bestest thing? Breathing.

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Well, yes. There is that.

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Good thing: Novel's finished. Always feel a little short of good things...(no shit. Really?) Have done a little bit more about the things that bother me than worry this year.

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Moving is good.

Moving in with Daniel is very good.

t smooch I agree.

Oddly enough there is reciprocity in my "good thing."

Having Andrea here in person is most certainly my very good thing that happened this year.

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Good thing: I finally feel like I am in a good place in my life again. Maybe for the first time in about ten years. I am in school, working, taking care of myself and my home, and, of course, I have Dave, who makes it all a little easier. I may not be juggling it all perfectly, but I think I am getting better at it a little bit at the time.

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Does anyone else have this kind of problem with follow-through? How do other people deal with making sure they follow through, and cleaning up the messes when they don't

Constantly. And even worse, I have this repeating cycle wherein I screw something up, get all hardassed on myself about how This Time I'm Going To Write EVERYTHING Down, Damn It, and then when can't keep up with the level of detail in the hardassed system, I find that I still haven't gotten whatever it was done, plus I get extra guilt and self-flagellation out of the transaction. Yay fun.

What helps me:

• saying no to things -- which does leave you out of some fun projects, but if it's too much pressure on you, it isn't going to be fun anyway. Also, the saying "no" is hard in itself -- there's the "shit, she's gonna hate me" factor if it's a friend, and the "they're gonna think I'm not pulling my weight" factor at work, and the "everyone's talking about it and I'm gonna be a killjoy with nothing in to talk about with them" factor for something like a group exchange. Try saying no to *one* thing you'd otherwise do today. Or, better, try saying "it depends" to *everything* -- never say "yes" to anything until you've said "I'm going to have to check my calendar before I commit to it". People won't hate you for that, just as long as you do actually check your calendar and get back to them. (And, yes, I've forgotten that last step more often that I want to admit. I have to make explicit notes to remember to do so, and if that looks dorky, so what.)

• fixing my lists -- instead of giving myself crap for not remembering to record every minute of what I do, or for not doing what I did write down, I focused instead on making it a list of things it's actually possible to *do*. A list item that says "Thanksgiving" makes me stare at it and say, "ack! where in the hell do I start with that?!" before going off to cry. On the other hand "look up the cranberries-and-port recipe I used last year - maybe on epicurious?" is small enough and specific enough that I can do it on autopilot. The keys for me are to start everything on the list with a verb (as the scary productivity wonks would put it, list doable actions, not things. As I put it, "Thanksgiving" is not a verb); and to break things down so much that even if it's something nasty and distasteful, I can get it done in 30 seconds. And yes, this leads to bigger lists than in my "I Must Write Down Everything" days, but they're lists that I could hand to a reasonably trained monkey, and that means I can do it even if I don't have caffeine. Crossing off tons of really explicit and totally mindless 30-second jobs is still crossing things off. What you need to do to follow through -- whether it's "email to say that I can't do the project" or "email to get the details about the next step I need to do in the project" or "schedule 15 minutes of uninterrupted time to work on the project" can be on there just fine, if you're looking at it as a small chunk of doable stuff, not something that marks you as a horrible person.

• Keeping my inbox empty. Work email is the worst for this, but other email, other forms of mail, calls, meeting notes, and any other way that more stuff to do gets added to your commitments, all count as inboxes. I am a total hardass about this, because if I try to keep only a screenful of stuff in my inbox (which is common advice), I'm back to 1000 messages before I know it, and that's way too many to know at a glance whether I've forgotten to deal with one of them. It's empty or nothing. This doesn't mean that I have to deal with everything the moment it comes up -- that's a whole other way to drown. But it does mean that I've put at least the first little 30-second step on the list if it's something I need to actually do something about, or filed where I know I can find it again if there's information I may actually need later, or read it and smiled and said "awwww" if it's a nice LJ comment that I'm very happy to get but (continued...)

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( continues...) I don't need to have hanging around in my inbox for years to come. With email, I can also forward things to myself with notes attached -- if I've responded by email, I've got the response right there; but if I followed up some other way, I tend to lose track of whether I did anything or not. So I send myself a dorky little note that says "talked to her about iPod video formats on 11/2" or "paid in full 10/30". That way, I can file both the original and what I did about it together, and GET 'EM OUT OF MY FRAKKIN' INBOX. If it's in the inbox, it hasn't been dealt with yet. If it's not, it may not be done, but it's in the chain.

• Life hacks. There was a good article on this in the NYT magazine a week or two back, which I'd suggest starting with -- basically, it's a (what? movement? concept? bunch of cool blogs that feed off each other?)... a thing. A very geek-friendly thing, about making and sharing tricks and systems and tools to make your life more manageable and user-friendly and (ack) productive.

I've tried the everything-must-be-tracked-and-recorded approach, and it made things worse by ratcheting up my anxiety. I've tried the ADD-support-group, you-are-wonderful-and-creative-and-not-an-idiot! approach, and it pretty much made me want to barf in addition to not fixing anything. And I'm just starting to fix a lot of really old habits, and I still screw up all the damned time. And that's where remembering that I'm human comes in. Which probably ought to be a bullet-point on the list.

• Remember that you're human.

With all of this, start with what you can. One "no", or one inbox. I've just dumped a lot of information on you, but don't think it's even possible to do all of it at once, nor that I'd dream of recommending you do so. I'm not even going to say "you must read this book!" or "try this system" or whatever -- you can do all that (and you can feel free to contact me -- my bookmark list is bigger every day) when you're ready to.

And always feel free to ask for support -- here, in LJ, by email, whatev. This is one of the things I'm worst at. Don't be me.

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