Those who don't use them are the sort of naive futurists

Naive? Sir, the word you were looking for there is "visionary."

who think that we'd have banned war, poverty, and crappy popular music by now.

Again, you have to have a vision to even attempt to face the future. Instead you clutch the mouldering past to your bosom and litter the language with the clinging ivy of needlessly fussy punctuation.

They are intellectual failures,

So say the "we like it the old way" fustidarians. Do you also intend to argue that plural possessive must employ the unsightly "s" apostrophe "s" construction?

clockcuckooland residents, and the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Revolution? Sir, you are on the reactionary side of the argument, not the revolutionary.

The serial comma will be jettisoned into the past as the English language roars into the future. You may keep yours in a small box with your antimacassar collection.

What's wrong with a curry-hating fruitcake-lover!?

A) I don't get to cook with curry anymore.

B) I only get to eat curry on the rare occasions I'm eating out without him.

C) He makes fruitcake, fancy Welsh fruitcake, and I feel all guilty over the fact that despite all the time and effort he puts into it, I still can't stand to eat it because it's filled with icky cloyingly sweet dried fruit.

Ugh. Just heard someone might have jumped in front of the train on the line I take home.

I only get to eat curry on the rare occasions I'm eating out without him.

He hates curry that much? That's not just hate, that's oppression.

Just heard someone might have jumped in front of the train on the line I take home.

You know, I think suicide is ... well, an option, if not a happy one. It is however, often selfish, and when you start fucking with strangers, supremely so.

Those who don't use them are the sort of naive futurists who think that we'd have banned war, poverty, and crappy popular music by now. They are intellectual failures, clockcuckooland residents, and the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Wow. They really are for Americans.

Has anyone read about this? Mindblowing.

He hates curry that much? That's not just hate, that's oppression.

Well, it does have a strong smell. I think it's heavenly, but obviously he doesn't. And when you're in an Indian restaurant, you can't escape it.

Go,bot. Fight the power. I'm sure your parents God and Ayn Rand will totally understand. I do eat licorice a lot. Where else will I find candy black as my heart? Thanks, Deena. Maybe one day I'll write a book called So Lucky: a memoir of the jobless. It really does make me sad to hear that. But not half as much as when I got into a bus accident and everyone said "cha-CHING"(Not exactly like that, but like I'd gotten some kind of Leonard score or something...I could "be set for life".)

And when you're in an Indian restaurant, you can't escape it.

There's food I don't like, but there's only one food I dislike so much I can't be around the smell -- and I get mocked soundly for that.

For the record, I am officially at the end of my rope at work. If I could just walk out of here tonight with a simple "Fuck you, I quit" resignation Post-It I would have twenty minutes ago.

Now, the Dean has decided that the office does not dress "professional" enough. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?