Uh-oh.

t pokes MP3 collection to see what else I have that might help

"The Rainbow Connection"? Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem singing "Can You Picture That?"

Or, if you really need the big guns, "C is for Cookie"?

Deer bigoted atheist:

Why am I using the word "bigoted" to describe you? Well, in the last five years I have sent you zero e-mails condemning you to hell, telling you what an evil person you are by not committing your life to Christ, informing you of any Bible passages or studies or free Christian reference materials or any such literature, or in any way even telling you in the least about what my faith means to me much less what it could mean to you.

Let's recap that number: zero.

In that time I posted a couple of things on my blog talking about religion. In one, I mentioned the strange pull I had back to the Mother Church after Pope Benedict "Party like it's" XVI "99" ascended to the Holy See. Basically, I don't agree with a lot of Catholicism anymore, but they're still family. I did not say I agreed with Benedict in the least. I didn't say he was the most wonderful thing to happen since sliced bread or individual servings of string cheese. No, all I said is that events like the death of JP-2 and the crowning of Bennie-1-6 tend to make ex-Catholics feel some pull back to the Mother Church, even if they have no compulsion to darken the door of their neighborhood cathedral ever again (and most don't).

Since I made that post, you have called me just about every name in the book. Let's see... Byzantine has been used. Stupid. Moronic. Judgmental. I think you even compared me to that vile Falwell a few times.

Now, again, let's return to that ZERO number. And let's add in all the times I've talked to you about religion or what I believe in person or in e-mail. That makes... ZERO. Yup. I haven't mentioned what I believe to you in the least. I've never invited you or your lovely "wife" to church. I've never condemned you for whatever you two are doing, "living in sin" or whatever Jerry "don't get between me and the camera" Falwell. Hell, I don't give a rat's ass if you're married or not. Should I? Am I supposed to be condemning you or something? Because I don't have time to walk around like some Puritan telling people they're gonna BURN because I'm too fucking BUSY living my life. Hell, I don't care if the neighbors are having beastiality parties on the weekend (so long as they getting the animal shit off my driveway -- though it's welcome in the garden).

So, anyway, right, I'm a stupid, Byzantine Falwell just for believing what I do, according to everything you've said on the web. To which I've said... barely anything.

All this to say that if the only way that you can achieve an erection is to send me this incoherent rant, so be it. My killfile is warm and ready. But I'm not going to make your inner Atheist Bull Connor happy by responding to you. Because, you see, I don't believe in acting like those judgmental assholes who spew their despicable venom in the name of Christ. No, what Jesus taught me is that you don't answer hate with hate, but hate with love.

And, you know, if in the last 2000 years the small-c catholic church has done anything to personally offend you, I am deeply and truly sorry. The list of things the church needs to apologize for stretches to the moon and back, and one day maybe we can set aside a couple of years to apologize for every evil, stupid, bigoted, horrible thing our ancestors have done. But, you know, when you run around calling all of us Falwell, you're no better than Falwell yourself. I mean, think about it -- this sort of incoherent overgeneralized venomous smear is the kind of crap we'd expect out of his mouth.

But anyway, I don't have time for your hate. I'm too busy dealing with my own crap.

Not even listening to the Rubber Ducky song can halt the forward progression of my wrath.

What Calli said.

Why does Amazon think that the Beavis and Butt Head DVD and the Batman Begins DVD are "Better Together"?

[link]

It's all about the letter B.

Or, if you really need the big guns, "C is for Cookie"?

I think the bigs guns are required. Currently my mood is so dark that I'm not sure I'm reflecting light.

[link]

There you go. Use it wisely and often.

Dana, that's still going to be up tonight, about 7:00 Board time, right?

t /greedy.

Unless it hits the download limit. In which case you can remind me later, and I will reupload it.

Hee. Thanks. I will bookmark it.