My workplace is fairly old-fasioned, and (perhaps not coincidentally) thoroughly devoted to avoiding situations of high emotion. I attended a meeting once during which I was rightly yelled at, and afterwards my boss came by to tell me how sorry she was I was yelled at, and how I should not take that yelling personally, etc. etc. She seemed to think I would quit on the spot, despite the fact that I totally deserved to be yelled at.

I've never been in a meeting (yet) where tears were shed, but I think they would only inspire the same panic-faces and desperate topic-changing. It's a very weird workplace sometimes.

My previous workplace, I was known to both yell and vibrate with hatred, but the one time tears were truly in order, they did not come till after I had left for the night. (I spent two hours under the worst tension I've experienced in my adult life -- I say that advisedly, as a Red Sox fan -- and left knowing my job would end. It was only after, as I began to react to the tension, that I cried.)

I will say, however, that the above experience, with a male boss, and several arguments I've had with men, have led me to conclude that my crying in an argument will often cause men, and sometimes women too, to completely panic and end the argument immediately, as if I'd whipped out some kind of nuclear weapon on them. I find this unutterably irritating, because I want the argument to continue, and I hate the idea that someone would think I was using a physiological expression of emotion to manipulate an argument.

Sometimes, when I find an argument where is getting intense or heated, I will gesture or say something to "give permission" for the argument to go to that next level of intensity. It's sort of funny, doing this with my Flatmate's classmates, because they are law students, and chomping at the bit to kill me with their exciting new logic, but also shy about how much they may steamroll your average layperson without coming across as an asshole.

Like, "Give me liberty or give me death!!! ...If that's okay with you."

Let it go. I used to feel all mad and embarassed. But I find that makes it worse. It's easier to say, "excuse me," dab your eyes with a tissue, and continue the conversation as soon as you feel them welling.

Gives you and the other person 20 seconds to cool. I've said before, "some people get ulcers, my eyes well up." I don't say "cry" because that's got fucked up baggage.

I will gesture or say something to "give permission" for the argument to go to that next level of intensity

What sort of signals do you give?

I should be so polite as to wait for these...

But my eyes well up when I'm very pissed off and trying to keep cool.

This is me. In fact, if I am angry and my eyes AREN'T welling up, run away very quickly, as I am about 5 seconds away from grabbing whatever is nearest and throwing it at someone or something.

One for Susan: The Nancy-Tanya opera. [link]

I forgot to get to the DMV to renew our registration/plates since they expire TODAY. I did go online to renew the registration but since they have to mail the sticker and registration, I fear I may be screwed if I get stopped for any reason. I wonder if the printed confirmation that I renewed them online would suffice for a traffic stop?

I just refuse to be apologetic about being, you know, human. I can't control my tear production as a stress response anymore than I can control blinking to keep my eyes from drying out.

I just refuse to be apologetic about being, you know, human. I can't control my tear production as a stress response anymore than I can control blinking to keep my eyes from drying out.

I think tears are my body's way of dealing with NOT strangling the nearest person that deserves it.

I wonder if the printed confirmation that I renewed them online would suffice for a traffic stop?

Yes, it should be.

Yes, it should be.

That's a little piece of mind. Not that I'm planning on getting stopped but we're travelling this weekend so I don't want to get in trouble with some state cop on the freeway because I don't have my new registration. The sticker on the plates covers all of October, so that won't be an issue.