Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation
Onion
story. I saw a link to it (with the above text) and I first thought it was real. I need more sleep.
PORTLAND, OR—Project manager Ron Butler left behind a 48-slide PowerPoint presentation explaining his tragic decision to commit suicide, coworkers reported Tuesday.
"When I first heard that Ron had swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills, I was shocked," said Hector Benitez, Butler's friend and coworker at Williams+Kennedy Marketing Consultants. "But after the team went through Ron's final PowerPoint presentation, I had a solid working knowledge of the pain he was feeling, his attempts to cope, and the reasons for his ultimate decision."
"I just wish he would've shot me an e-mail asking for help," Benitez added.
Butler broke his presentation into four categories: Assessment Of Current Situation, Apologies & Farewells, Will & Funeral Arrangements, and Final Thoughts.
I have cheese on my chicken parm, but I also have meat sauce on my ziti which makes it unedible por moi. They didn't tell me the sauce was meat. ptui. Oh, also cheese on my ceasar salad.
Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation
Isn't this an old article?
SARA!! You need to eat better miss crankypants.
Isn't this an old article?
Oh yeah. "February 9, 2005." Sorry 'bout that.
WHY?!
I'm getting my calcium this way, damnit.
I've got to go grocery shopping after work ( TO BUY MORE CHEESE FOR LUNCH) and think I'll also get some grocery-store-gourmet tomato-basil soup and some of that fat-rice-shaped pasta and mix them together. And then take a tagmet so all the acidity doesn't make me ill. But still! Real food.
HULK SMASH.
Coworker is playing Kenny G on her computer, just within my range of hearing. She has put it on repeat. I have to listen to that whiny noodly little saxophone ALL FRICKIN DAY.
Grrrr. Wish I had an iPod.
There is, but you would need a model to explain why some people have missing data.
Ah, okay. That's kind of what I figured. Thank you.
Not only is my yoghurt not cheese, it is not hot. I am freaking cold.
Apple's announcing something right now, but it seems they're doing it in a room with no cell or Wi Fi access.
Maybe they're announcing an iPod for Juliana.
