How are you doing, Gud?

She doesn't have the gaze avoidance, just some degree of speech delay and a tendency to play around rather than with other children--

It's called Parallel Play. It's normal for that age.

Eighteen month old children don't play with other children. Really. She's just at the age where you'd expect to start to see an inclination for parallel play (playing near other children).

It's hard to compare from kid to kid. So much of their behavior is due to a combination of personality and preference. If the other children you are exposed to either have siblings, or are in daycare, they're going to be somewhat more socialized than an only child, who is home most of the time.

xpost with Hec

It's called Parallel Play. It's normal for that age.

Even if the nursery workers at church find her behavior remarkable? Apparently even in a room full of children between 12 and 24 months, she stands out for self-sufficiency and not needing anyone to entertain her. And from my own observation, she's less likely to be in a clump with other children when we come in to pick her up, and more likely to be deeply involved with some book or toy all on her own.

That's different from being anti-social, Susan.

I do think you should take a comprehensive list to your pediatrician. Otherwise, it is too easy to get swept up in the doctor's schedule, and only remember some of your questions and concerns.

I think she's probably too little for them to even determine an actual speech delay at this point. It's good to stay on top of things. But to the extent you can help it (and I wish there was a hypocrisy font), try not to borrow trouble. Annabel sounds bright and independent to me, and not so inclined to talk. A lot of bright kids are late talkers (and a speech eval and therapy, if the eval deems it necessary won't hurt her), because they're a little inclined to be perfectionists. They want to do it right before they do it.

Though, between older siblings and daycare, probably 75% of the kids in the nursery spend more time with other children than she does.

FWIW, when we were touring daycares a few weeks ago, one time the kids in the 18-24 month room were sitting down for dinner when we got there, and she seemed very interested in them. At another one, the toddlers were scattered in various groups, some playing alone, some clustered around a teacher. The first thing she did was run to the group with the teacher, but more to see what they were doing than to see them. She splashed her hands in the water they were playing with, then systematically went around the room, exploring the toys. The teachers seemed to think she was remarkably poised and confident for her age, but she was definitely more interested in things than people, for whatever that's worth.

How are you doing, Gud?

Ugh.

I do have to tell you that I was an only child who spent almost all my time around adults and I did this. I am very far from autistic/aspergers, it was just a function of a) being shy and b) not being familiar with actual children (I think I thought I was just a small adult)

(Well, I was an only child until I was six and got the steps, and then I was a middle half of the time and an only the rest of the time.)

I was always much more comfortable around adults or immersed in a book. I was always quite the reader.

I honestly think that, because you are worried, you should bring it up and do whatever testing is felt appropriate.

Huh. It's probably a good thing my mother didn't have access to the internets, or she'd have decided I was autistic.

Not making light of your concern, Susan, and you are very much doing the right thing to pay attention to your daughter and get professional assessment, but Annabel sounds just like me at 18-ish months old. Even with the not talking. (I recently received my own baby books and letters from my Mom, so I know this).

Ugh.

I'm sorry. *mwah*