anti-jumpiness to NYistas...

How did she frighten him, Raq?

The first time she came over to sit when I was going out (she'd sat him before with me there), he was playing and didn't see her right away, and she kind of lunged for him and swept him up, saying "MALLORY!!!!" Totally invaded his personal space. It took about 30 minutes to peel him off the ceiling.

Since then, when she comes in I will hold him, and tell him she's here, and let him see her from a distance, and then she'll come over and pet him, but he still cries. Any stranger on the street gets to pinch his cheeks and smack their face with his hands, but not the sitter.

Thing is, when I come back, Mallory's usually content with her.

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Thing is, when I come back, Mallory's usually content with her.

Okay, he's just smart then, and knows her coming means you going. If you trust her, and her doing anything that frightened him was a only one-time mistake and miscalculation, I wouldn't worry too much.

Has she ever told you how long it takes for him to calm down after you leave? I've found this is key. If it's only a little while, please go out and have a good time. You have to live...for me. ;)

Seriously though...He LOVES you. You are probably his favorite person right now, and Daddy's an acceptable substitute. He's attached to you (this is all good). So, he shows that by demonstrating that he knows the babysitter's presense means you'll soon be absent, and that he thinks that is decidedly of the suck.

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Thing is, when I come back, Mallory's usually content with her.

Yeah. My 19 year old sitter loves Owen to death and usually wants instant hugs and kisses. But he started being wary of me leaving around 14 months or so and will cry when I hand him over to her.

But when I return, he's happily playing with her on the floor. It might not be so much the sitter as the fact that he associates sitter with Mommy leaving. That's traumatic.

I knew I was going to x-post with Cindy. *g*

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Okay, he's just smart then, and knows her coming means you going.

I was wondering if this was what it was. The fact that babycenter just told me that babies can't remember for longer than 3 days made me think it couldn't be this, but the look he gives me when I give him over to her! Heartbreaking.

She says it usually takes about 10-15 minutes to calm him down, but he gets upset again if he naps, and wakes up, and sees her.

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She says it usually takes about 10-15 minutes to calm him down, but he gets upset again if he naps, and wakes up, and sees her.

Owen will cry if Christopher goes in to get him from his nap sometimes. I'm really the preferencial parent right now. When Mal wakes up, he really probably just wants to see Mommy there.

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One time, Scott and I watched his brother's kids. This was before we were married. Their little girl J was still a baby, and was a terror to babysit. Both sets of grandparents got to the point where they'd only do it in emergencies, because she could/sometimes did scream the entire time. S-i-l had her work Christmas party, which was being held at the Museum of Fine Arts, and was just fantastic. They needed a break, and the chance to go someplace grown up and nice.

It worked out that J was asleep before they left. If she woke and acted up, I can't even remember. All I remember is my nephew M. He was about 2.5. When s-i-l was going out the door, he ran over, hugged her leg, and pleaded in the sweetest voice I'd ever heard, "Mommy, please don't go. Don't go, please. Please. Stay home with me." Oof.

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I only babysat a toddler once, and he was totally fine with it. I sort of stealth-babysat my niece and nephew - I'd come over and start playing with them, and at some point my sister would slip away and not return for a few hours. So I haven't had the baby/toddler experience from either side.

Most of the kids I babysat were a bit older, and were all "Yeah see ya" to their parents.

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I was wondering if this was what it was. The fact that babycenter just told me that babies can't remember for longer than 3 days made me think it couldn't be this, but the look he gives me when I give him over to her! Heartbreaking.

I think that's might be true about certain things, but is probably, largely nonsense. They remember differently than we do, because so much of our memory involves language. But I'm pretty sure their memories are better than that.

She says it usually takes about 10-15 minutes to calm him down, but he gets upset again if he naps, and wakes up, and sees her.

That's not too bad, as long as the post-nap upset is also brief, and he'll get happy.

The saddest baby I ever babysat for was when I was in college. He was the son of a local doctor and his wife. Both the doctor and wife had kids from previous marriages. At least one of those kids (his) was only in the home part time. The baby was adopted, but I don't think he was adopted right at birth. I think he was a couple of months old. He would cry the whole time.

I think he had some serious separation anxieties between the change in homes, to one sister only being there part time, and then the parents going out A LOT. I always felt so sorry for him. The only thing that sometimes consoled him was holding him and walking. It was a very hard gig. If I had that gig now, I'd lose it, because I'd have to tell the mom she needed to be home with him more--that he was a baby who needed more stability.

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A few years ago, I had a job babysitting for a two-year-old and a six-year-old several afternoons a week. The two-year-old was going through some major separation anxiety, and would sob for about 15 minutes after his mother left, and then at least a once or twice during the afternoon, in the middle of playing or whatever, his eyes would just well up and he'd look around and ask, "Mommy?" This was going on pretty much every time I sat for them, for an entire summer.

His older brother was usually pretty good with distracting him when he was crying, but then one time, the little one knocked over a block tower that the older one had been building, and the older one screamed at him, "Mommy's never coming home. NEVER EVER!" I have never seen hysterics in a little kid like what the little one went into then.

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Totally unrelated to anything, this is the afghan square I just finished crocheting: [link] I absolutely love it. I think it's just gorgeous and a perfect mix of the colors we're using in the afghan.

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