{{{Gud}}} That is such a bad position to be in. It sounds like you've been busting ass to try to make it work. Strength to you.

This morning I did it. It was a little heart-catching. He's so tiny and the bus is so big. I had to hand him up to the attendant, then she carried him to his carseat and buckled him in, and then waved his little fist at me through the window.

t sniffle

This kills me.

{{Gud}} I'm very sorry

{{{{{Gud}}}}}} May the best possible outcome occur.

(((Gud))) You've been struggling with this for so long.

but I don't feel like I'm that bad a person

You're not. You've been trying, and bumping your head against various brick walls, for such a time, and it is totally amazing to me that through it all you've kept soldiering on, and in the midst of the unhappiness still been so devoted to your kids, so present for them and proud of them and delighting in them. Which is no substitute for a good, loving adult partnership, I know, but which is still damn near miraculous. I'm vibing hard for some resolution to all of it that brings you and your family some peace.

Words are just inadequate for the heart-twistiness of the long slow pain of it.

Happy Birthday, BT!!!

Last week Greg was off in the mornings all week, so he got up and put Aidan on the bus. This morning I did it. It was a little heart-catching. He's so tiny and the bus is so big. I had to hand him up to the attendant, then she carried him to his carseat and buckled him in, and then waved his little fist at me through the window.

He had me hold him the whole time we waited for the bus, and I had to take his fuzzy blanket away from him before we left the house.

Awwwww. He's write on the edge of baby and big boy. Broken.

{{{Gud}}} You are not a bad person. You are just caught in a very difficult situation.

I'm sorry, Gud, but if more fathers were as "bad" as you, the world would be a better place, imo. Sounds like you've changed a lot since you got together. It happens. But it's sad.

Gud, I'm so sorry. You're not a bad person. You've struggled a long time in a difficult situation. I hope that there's ultimately a solution that will give everyone in your family peace and a chance for happiness.

I had to take his fuzzy blanket away from him before we left the house.

This is what broke me.

{{{Gud}}}

In every post of yours I've ever read, I've marveled at what an involved, loving, thoughtful parent you are. You're not a bad guy. You're in a bad situation. I hope it works out so you can have some happiness and some peace.

Thanks for all the punctuation everybody.

{{{Gud}}}