The store cats thought that trying to escape under my hoopskirts was the funnest thing ever.

Only because it was.

When we were at Borderlands Books on Saturday, every time I squatted down to look at a book on the bottom shelf, Ripley the hairless cat would try to crawl under my swoopy black cape. The magically vanishing and reappearing fabric cave just thoroughly entranced her.

Do security people ever think you're trying to stash things amid your petticoats?

Nope. In fact, the only store I ever get hassled by security at is the neighborhood Fred Meyer (which is a NW-regional store kinda like Target). The next time I'm there and I see the security guys trying to follow me, I'm going to stop them and say "Guys, shoplifters want to blend in with the other shoppers, not look completely different. Oh, and you need to work on your being stealthy."

the neighborhood Fred Meyer

The last Fred Meyer in Utah closed its doors a couple of years ago. They pulled one of those bait and switch "Going out of Business" sales where they transfer the stuff people might want to other stores and leave the crap under the hopes people will go "But it's cheap!" and buy it.

The last Fred Meyer in Utah closed its doors a couple of years ago

They're a not-very-nice company. I worked for them for eight years, mom still works for them. My recurring stress dream of hearing "Jillian, cashier please" over a loudspeaker is set at Fred Meyer.

I just had one of those Moments: I was literally sitting here thinking, "Hmm. I want a snack. I could go buy one. Is there any reason I have to go to Sue's office? She always has candy..." when my boss came over to ask me to go to Sue's office for something. Score.

We have 3000 Melon Pops in our office.

What are Melon Pops and why do you need 3000 of them?

Our office is melon popless.

Oh man, I wish I had 3000 Melon Pops, and I don't even know what they are.

My melons have all been popped.

OK, that sounds weird.