CG, I live in the NC triangle. I think in terms of gay friendliness, I would rank Carrboro/Chapel Hill first, then Durham, then Raleigh. I think I would be comfortable living in Raleigh as a gay woman, though NC State has more conservative students than UNC. It is possible to live in the Triangle and know almost nobody who is even from NC. My neighborhood, my coworkers, are almost entirely academic or high-tech liberals, largely from outside the south. I don't find them different from people I'd know in DC or Philly or New Haven.

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Is parental notification worth it to you, knowing that there are real life examples, post-Roe, of children in non-abusive middle-class families taking matters into their own hands and dying as a result?

Yeah, that's the problem. It's not just about bad parents. It's about good kids who don't want to disappoint their good parents.

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Aaaand the NCistas have clearly developed our hivemind capabilities. Soon we will also all be librarians. Keep this in mind if you move here, GC.

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I'm not sure how I feel about parental notification. On the one hand, I understand the argument that someone who can't get her ears pierced without parental consent probably shouldn't be having surgery on her own. And I can think of situations a (non-abusive) parent should probably be aware of regardless of the girl's desires, like if the girl is 14 or younger, if her boyfriend is significantly older, or if she was raped.

But I don't believe girls should die because they're afraid to talk to a parent. And I think that much of the time, if a girl doesn't feel she can talk to her parents about sexuality, there's a reason beyond "they'll lecture me."

I would hope that if I had a daughter, she would feel she could talk to me about any need for contraception and abortion. If I fail in that, I would rather she had an abortion without my knowledge than any of the other options.

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I completely understand your wanting parental notification (for one thing, it is a medical procedure), but what about the cases where the child's fear of abuse/retribution is founded? Should a claim of "my parents will kill me!" automatically be investigated in those cases? (I'd think that at least examining the kid for signs of abuse would be called for in that case.)

Yes, at least any credible claim. That is a police and [whatever state department of families and children] issue. When my children are already 18, but still in high school, they are not allowed to take a Tylenol at the nurses office, without my consent. They are not allowed to have any other non-emergency surgical procedures without my informed consent. I think the requirement should only mandate that one custodial parent be told, though.

Is parental notification worth it to you, knowing that there are real life examples, post-Roe, of children in non-abusive middle-class families taking matters into their own hands and dying as a result?

Yes, because there have been cases like that, even where abortion is legal and accessible, and parental notification wasn't an issue.

If my minor daughter conceived and was going to abort, I would need to know that, in order to properly parent her. Now, personally, I would not force my child to either have a child, or have an abortion (exception: If her life were at stake in carrying a child to term, I might insist she abort). But she would need me. She would possibly/probably be scared to death to tell me, but she would actually need, and benefit from my parenting. And if she chose to abort, she would need me to know, so that if there were a post-surgical complication, she wouldn't be hiding up in her room, bleeding to death, or going into sepsis, because she was to ashamed to tell me. And she would need the emotional support, as well. Not to mention, women die from legal, medical abortions sometimes, too.

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Well, we did get that brief cloudburst and now it's kind of humid but cool out and not raining. Still overcast but radar shows everything as very clear.

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My cousin is a midwife/public health practioner who practices in a lot of Latino communities. She saw lots of teenage girls who would face being imprisoned in their own homes until they gave birth or forcibly married, let alone being badly badly beaten if they had to tell their parents. And there are those who don't want to tell parents because one of their parents (usually a stepfather) is the father. I think the law is there to protect the rights of those in the worst circumstances, and those are the children who need it.

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When my children are already 18, but still in high school, they are not allowed to take a Tylenol at the nurses office, without my consent.

I have to wonder how much of this rule is for the school's protection rather than the child's. It sounds more like an "avoid lawsuit" maneuver than anything else.

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Soon we will also all be librarians. Keep this in mind if you move here, GC.

Okay, this right here is hysterical as I am a.) in a librarian position now (albeit in a tech pubs capacity) and b.)have been thinking of going back to school for my Masters. Hee! Anyway, thanks for the info on gayness in NC. I'm really seriously considering a relocation. I mean, I could sell my condo in NC and use the profit to buy an actual house almost outright in NC. That alone is a huge motivator... Also, my co has a Durham location. I'm very very tempted and the GF hasn't said no.

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Now, on the abortion/parental rights issue, I gotta side with the kid.

Edited to remove Too Much Information.

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