Ah, the joys of work politics. I recently got out of a meeting. "Nothing has been decided yet," was the first statement. The rest of the meeting was a discussion about the ways "nothing" would be playing out in the next few months. It could actually end up being kinda cool and stuff. Or it could suck beyond the telling. However, I can rest assured that nothing has been decided yet.

Well, my conversation ain't much to write home about. Also, we are just getting to know these folks... I want to be gentle (I was a little worried I mighthave been too aggressive with the card even), even though, they do know where we live.

Ooh, maybe I'll see the baby tonight!

Still in a holding pattern here, and spent the last 45 minutes or so bickering with DH over the fact we have baseball tickets tonight. He wants to go. I feel like it's inappropriate, and I also don't feel comfortable being away from the house that long, even having the cell phone with me. If I checked the voicemail from the ballpark and found out Mom had called, I'd have to call her right back, and what if she heard the game noise in the background?

DH points out, fairly, I suppose, that at this point Dad is just lingering, and it could be days or even weeks more, and are we not going to leave the house in all that time? We can't live sitting by the phone, etc. I pointed out that we went to church Sunday evening and I went to writers group last night, and that I've still been doing things like working on my novel and doing freelance stuff. I feel like those are different, because church is, well, church, and those other things are all in some sense my livelihood (or my hoped-for livelihood). Even when they're fun, they're not play. Also, my writers group meets in a Starbucks 5 minutes from here. Church is a 15-20 minute drive, and the service lasts a little over an hour. Given that you're fighting rush hour traffic to get there and trying to get out of a parking deck at the same time as everyone else coming home, it can take 45 minutes each way getting to and from the ballpark, and a typical game takes three hours. That feels like a long time to not be sitting by the phone.

All this is coupled with a fear that my family won't quite understand the relatively narrow window of possibilities for getting down there. We pretty much have to fly out between 6:00 a.m. and noon, and choose between American and Delta. If we find out too late in the day, we'd have to fly out not the next day, but the day after that. So I'm having this mini-freakout of what if they call us at 5:30 expecting that we'll be on the plane the next morning, but I don't find out till I get to the ballpark at 6:30 and check my voicemail, and even with leaving right away we still wouldn't be home till 7:30 or so, and what if we can't get a flight until Thursday? (DH thinks, and probably rightly, that if we hear after 2:00 or 3:00 on any given day, that pushes us back another 24 hours, but I'm not sure the family gets that.)

So. Is DH weird to want to go to the game? Am I weird to think it's wrong? DH seems to think I'm trying to adopt Victorian mourning customs or something, and, you know, I kinda wish I could. I'd really love to have a set of rules so I'd know I was doing this right.

I don't either one of you is weird, I can totally see both your points. I don't even know which way I'd lean toward if I were in the same situation, that's how much both points of view resonate with me.

I wonder... would it be too upsetting for you if DH went to the game, maybe took Anabelle, which would give you some quiet time to yourself, by the phone, if a call was made. If it wasn't, then at least it might be an opportunity for you to have a little Susan time. If there was a phone call, you could take care of the arrangements right away and let your husband know, either by cell phone (Come Home NOW!) or when he and A. got back.

You know, I think if your father is dying, you should be where ever you feel the most comfortable. If the tension is making you crazy and you end up at a ball-game, well, so be it. If you feel better within half an hour of land-line access, there it is. It's your father, your emotional state, and you'll be living with however it plays out.

Could your DH take Annabel and maybe go to the game with a friend? That might give you some downtime, while giving DH the game-time and some bonding-with-daughter time, and maybe that would be helpful all around.

ETA: X-post madness!

Susan, what if Dh took a friend or co-worker to the game, and you stayed home? Would that be workable (schedule-wise and emotion-wise)? I wouldn't feel like going myself, but I can understand where he would.

Ugh. I feel so inept when I make these delayed Xposts. Here's what happens. I read. I think. I start to type. Someone comes and talks to me, or needs milk, or whatever. I submit. Sorry for the stupid, needless repetition.

For whatever it's worth, I'm speaking as someone whose ovarian-cancer-fighting mom has been in the hospital for two weeks now, with no currently forecast time of release. Which is to say, I'm empathizing more than usual.

It'd take some logistical doing for DH to take Annabel, because he took the car w/o the car seat to work--normally he takes the bus from work to the game, while I drive down with Annabel and meet him. But it's a possibility.

Sorry for the stupid, needless repetition.

Hey, I'm just glad to read that I had a good idea. Go Team Advice!

Susan, I like Nora's idea (noting that you may have different preferences on who goes, who takes care of A., etc.). It isn't like you decided this morning to get tickets on the spur of the moment.

Also, does your family have your cellphone number? You could call this morning to check in with them, and tell them that you'd previously made plans for this evening and can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx after Y:00. Or see if your home phone allows call forwarding.