How does your family handle the ceremony surrounding death? Have you been to anything for other relatives, or close family friends? Will there be a wake, and a funeral, or memorial service, or something different? Do they usually do everything in the Funeral Parlor, or do they have a church service, as well?

The last family funeral (and the last Alabama funeral) I went to was my paternal grandmother's, when I was 18, so 16 years ago. Which is partly why I'm vague on this. But there's usually a viewing in the funeral parlor the night before the funeral, and then a church funeral, which I assume will be in my childhood church, because that's where the family burial ground is, even though my parents haven't gone there since I was 16. Not a wake per se, but people usually gather at the person's house before and after the funeral, and friends and relatives bring covered dishes and desserts.

The problem with clothes is I no longer own much of anything that would be considered church clothes by Alabama standards--my church in Seattle is much more casual, my last job was the same, and such dressy clothes as I do have I doubt fit my post-pregnant body. I can just barely still wear my old interview suit, and it's more loosely tailored than most of the dresses in my closet.

Probably the sensible thing is to do a little shopping next week. The skirt and sweater would be fine for the viewing, I think, and it's better to look for a dress now than to have to do it in 24 hours while trying to pack and make last-minute arrangements to catch a flight.

Yes, it is better to look ahead of time, I think. And if you find something, pack it right away. You might want to pre-pack a few things, or make a list, so you have less stress when the time comes.

I remember shopping for clothes for me, for my dad's wake and funeral, after he died. My two youngest kids were sick, and it was the middle of a blizzard, and I'd spent most of the week by my father's bedside, hadn't slept, and had dropped 10 or 15lbs in the week. Shopping was a nightmare-joke. I ended up getting things I didn't really like on me, but they were presentable enough.

I think what you've called the viewing is what we call a wake up here, and it's either held over the course of two days (only in the evening two days before the funeral, and then on the afternoon and evening, on the day before the funeral), or just the day before (afternoon and evening). Then the funeral is either in the church, or at the funeral parlor, depending on the family's preferences. My Catholic friends' funerals are always from the church.

Do any of your brothers live near your folks, to help your mom make arrangements and whatnot?

VCOB lives about 20 miles away, and all but one of Dad's living brothers and sisters live within a mile of them--my grandfather had a farm, and he parceled out the land among his children, so they all live within sight of the old farmhouse.

What's really weird is to think that in 10-15 years there may be no more of my family living in that community. Even those of my cousins who've stayed local live closer to Birmingham, and a lot of us have scattered. And as the city grows southward, there are subdivisions not three miles from my parents' house, in what in my childhood was as rural and blue collar an area as you could possibly imagine.

DH lost his father very early and very suddenly--he died of a heart attack, pretty much out of the blue, at age 47, while DH was in college. So he has some personal experience of what I'm going through. We both think it's likely my mom will sell the house within a year--I hope she moves in with her sister Brenda, who lives by herself, fairly close to VCOB. Mom is very healthy for her age, so I don't think it'd make sense for her to go into assisted living, but I doubt she'll want to live alone. But that's all up to her.

I was rejected

Arse. Silly tart.

Nevertheless, you get a HousePoint for trying, even if drunk. Nothing ventured, and all that.

it's better to look for a dress now than to have to do it in 24 hours while trying to pack and make last-minute arrangements to catch a flight.

Word.

I remember packing to go home for what turned out to be my dad's final illness. I packed a black velvet dress, just in case. It felt bad but oddly comforting to do it, as it was going to be one more thing I wasn't going to have to worry about once I was there. Better to think about trivialities now, than having them clutter up your mind later, when you will need all your strength and energy to focus on your family.

Hey, buddy, welcome to the "I Gave 'em My Heart, they gave me a pen," society. Glad to have you...wouldn't want to be that big a schlemiel by myself. I bet if I got drunk everything I'd send out would make perfect sense, since I could do that sober...nah, just kidding. If this was a movie, *we'd* hook up now. IJS.

Robin is wise.

Of course, my family changed the rules on me for my dad's funeral, so I had to change what I had packed anyway, but that's mememe.

Does your dad have a will and everything? It's a horrible thing to have to ask, but none of you are going to want to deal with any legal questions afterwards, if it can be helped.

My parents had a local lawyer draw up a will for them when I was in high school--just your straightforward "If one of us dies first, the other gets everything; if we die at the same time, split it in four equal shares between the children," and I assume it's still there and valid.

I went shopping with my sisters and mother after Dad died. None of us could think what to wear. I wore a yellow and gray dress. I thought of him every time I wore it after that day.

It's good to have as much in order before hand as possible, but in some ways it helps to have stuff you have to do after as well.

I'm glad your mother has VCOB and her sister close by. It is hard when you aren't living near your family. I haven't lived close to my parents for over 30 years. The whole being out of the loop thing is tough.

Is VCOB good with communicating with you?

Fruit loops:

I rarely remember to go to LJ anymore, but the friends page filled with gold stars is kinda cute.