Wait, smegma only happens to the uncircumcised penis?

No, but it collects under the foreskin until it's cleaned out by the owner.

If you're doing it for yourself, that's one thing. It's all I can do to hold down a squirming toddler to clean the poop off his ass, let alone retracting a foreskin.

My mother indicated that there was cleaning to be done in that area anyway, so it was no big deal (upon questioning). The other 40 years have been pretty simple too.

Re circumcision: I have a friend who decided to have her son circumcised largely because back in her dangerous-living 20s she had worked for an escort service, during which time she'd had over 300 assignations, which she felt was a decent enough sample size on which to pass fairly informed judgment.

She said that (whitefonted 'cause not everyone necessarily WANTS to know all this) the average circumcised man's penis was cleaner, better-smelling and better-tasting than the average uncircumcised man's, and on a par with the above-average squeaky-clean uncut. Her clients were mostly well-to-do businessmen, all reasonably well groomed and some outright fussy in their hygeine, but even so, it was clear that the uncut cocks were higher-maintenance and more prone to unpleasant funk than the cut ones.

I can think of about 100 ways in which you're a hussy for having sex with your husband.

Wow! I can only think of about 43. Teppy is well educated in the hussydom.

It's my special talent.

it collects under the foreskin until it's cleaned out by the owner.

Or the owner's manservant.

If you schwing that way, sure.

JZ makes the best argument for circumcision, I must say.

ETA: Also, I want a manservant. Not necessarily to clean my penis, but just to have.

If their son isn't the messages are confusing: 'leave it alone', 'clean under it', 'pull it back sometimes', 'irrigate occasionally'!

Ah. And here we come to the heart of the matter. If the boy has to clean it, it actually interferes with the "Unclean! Unclean!" message that god-fearing parents ought to be instilling.

The other 40 years have been pretty simple too.

And pleasant, too, I hope.

I'm recalling a Kid's in the Hall skit where one of the guys pulls his turtle neck sweater up around his face, mourning his loss and giving some kind of statistical data about the loss of sensitivity.

This is one parenting issue I'm not gung-ho about. I'll save my breath for those parents who don't want to immunize their kids and then send them to school with mine.

Or the owner's manservant.

That's a story waiting to be written, about the servant whose job is to clean under the foreskin. "Excuse me, Your Majesty, I'm just here to check the cleanliness of your willy, I won't be a moment."