Quick thing about G'ma. She's taking only the meds she absolutely needs. This isn't a new issue for us, she's been steadily declining for several years.

The doctors, they haven't always been helpful. Her neurologist and GP refused to tell her she couldn't drive even though she has cataracts, at the time had severe dizzy spells, couldn't recall any of the incidents that damaged the fender and tires on a regular basis and drove through THREE school zones.

My Aunt (who has power of attorney) has cut back on her meds severely. There are other problems -- last winter G'ma couldn't be trusted to wear climate appropriate clothes and one day managed to go in the garage, turn on the breaker for the oven, and use that for heat rather than 1) checking the heater or 2) calling my aunt.

My aunt and mother have agonized over this, and they do not want to. But they are starting to worry about G'ma's ability to even stay by herself at this level.

On top of that despite the fact my uncle lives less than 2 hrs away he rarely helps my Aunt take care of G'ma. My other aunt (who lives here in Florida) refuses to see the situation for what it was and won't take time to go up and relieve my Aunt. Mom goes up every Spring break, 2 weeks in the summer, and was going Thanksgiving or Christmas until last year when my brother was here.

My Aunt was having problems with her blood pressure but with exercise that's down.

It's getting very close to the time where G'ma will have to have full time care, just because she can't remember basic things. She has an incontenince problem but won't wear Depends, refuses to acknowledge she has a problem, sometimes she'll promise to start wearing them, but forget and get indignant than her daughters would ask.

Frankly, I want her to be in some kind of assisted living because I'm worried about the health and well being of my Aunt and Mom.

askye, if your aunt has power of attorney, I'd just go ahead with all the planning. Grandma will eventually have to go along.

oh, askye, I feel for you. We were in the same position, except that it was exacerbated because all three sisters thought that they were right, so each refused to help the other, so one of them would do all the work for a while, then get fed up, and call up one of the others and yell. Plus, what my grandmother really wanted was to be the grandmother in Soul Food, with the big house that a couple of the kids/grandkids lived in, and everybody would come over for dinner on Sundays, etc. My mother was constantly stressed out and crying. And my grandmother wasn't helping.

I'm asking for advice and help because it's so stressful on Mom. Every time she thinks about the possiblity of having G'ma declared incompetent she starts crying. She feels so useless living so far away and she can't afford to retire for another 3 yrs so she can't go up there. Her house is two story and and with G'ma's memory so bad she doesn't think she can move G'ma here. (and with two deadbeat siblings).

I'd like to be able to get some information for her, so I can maybe take some of the burden off of her and my aunt.

You know the problem with breaking national (and yet not that important) news? It means it's the main story on all the local newspages, relegating to tiny sidebars the underground fire which has caused the traffic and power to be cut off in the four blocks surrounding my apartment.

askye, if you get a durable power of attorney, you don't have to have her declared incomptent, because it is specifically designed to be in effect if the principal (your gma) becomes incapacitated.

In case anyone is interested, [link] -- includes a video of the smoke (and flames) visible at street level (also includes a helicopter shot of what appears to be the construction about a block away. I think they got confused).

Thanks Vortex. I'll find out if that's what my aunt has.

So please send cool thoughts toward vw, the non-vw roommate, and the two pets, who are hoping the effects of the AC linger as long as possible (since it's 88 degrees outside and we have no battery-powered fans).

My mom had to get power of attorney for my grandfather so she could kick my uncle out of my grandfather's house (the uncle was being abusive).

IIRC the actuall gettting the power of attorney was straightforward.