I just private bookmarked something I've read... umm... four times? and have still not left a comment on or maybe even kudosed, because I'm still in Not Wanting to Admit I Liked a Thing That's Usually a Massive Squick. (Verbal humiliation, BTW and for the record.)

I just don't want to be that guy, the one who leaves the, "WOW. THIS IS A SQUICK LIKE WHOA, AND YET!"

Maybe just a, "damn, this is powerful and remains so on multiple re-reads."

::facepalm::

(It's not in one of my regular fandoms, okay?)

I don't really write that much fic anymore, to concentrate on my own stuff, but there have been times when unexpected Kudos have made a big difference in how I feel about writing.

"damn, this is powerful and remains so on multiple re-reads."

Yes, this. Even anon. Somebody sweated over those words, and pushed through their trepidation to post the fic. If it provoked thought or emotion in a reader, it's manna to a writer to hear that, that it was worth doing for at least that reader.

Kudos is more like, "read it. didn't hate it." And honestly, I'd still rather have that comment than a kudo. I'm totally gobsmacked that people who leave comments *don't* leave kudos, too. If I can't make words to leave a comment, or if the fic didn't provoke strong feeling or reaction but I didn't actively hate it, I always leave kudos. It's not like you're handed a limited number of kudos to hand out, after all, why not sprinkle them where maybe they'll spread encouragement? Leave a little blue star along with your comment.

I get not wanting to engage. I get (you) not wanting to know how or if what you wrote affected somebody. But I am interested in what and how something I wrote affected a reader. I want to know if I got my point across. My day is made if somebody tells me my fic might have nudged their opinion a click or two, or cracked their awareness a notch wider. Kudos are nice, but I love comments--even wacky ones complaining I didn't write the thing the way they wanted to read the thing.

I want to know if I got my point across

Yes, yes, yes. And then the one person who says "That didn't make any sense, why did X do that?" or "It was a little long."

Another thing that annoys me is you can only give kudos once in Ao3. If they don't leave comments, you can't know if they're still enjoying a multi-chapter story.

Oh, I love those. The snark comes out to play. Sometimes I'll explain the former, a little, if I'm in a good mood and the commenter is polite. The second? "I'm sorry. I did post the word count at the top before the story started." Or depending on the tone, "I'd be interested to read if you want to try telling the story in fewer words. I have a list of some you might consider eliminating."

More usually though, it's "Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to share your reaction to the story."

Yes, this. Even anon. Somebody sweated over those words, and pushed through their trepidation to post the fic. If it provoked thought or emotion in a reader, it's manna to a writer to hear that, that it was worth doing for at least that reader

It's manna to *some* writers. I know sometimes, some of them find comments like that weird. Apparently, though, I have left kudos. So I'll continue to waffle on the comment-or-no thing. I don't leave anon comments unless I'm in an anon comm.

Kudos is more like, "read it. didn't hate it."

This is totally not how I use them. Read it, didn't hate it means I don't do anything other than not nope out. I don't leave any metrics beyond that I've viewed the page for that. Kudos mean, "I like your thing! Yay!"

My day is made if somebody tells me my fic might have nudged their opinion a click or two, or cracked their awareness a notch wider.

I think I don't normally write things that would get that kind of response, TBH, or I might feel differently. Origin Story, my most-commented pre-AO3 story, hit a nerve with people re: exclusion of Barbara Gordon in the Nolanverse, is as close as I'm going to get, I suspect, and even then, the response was more, "YOU FIXED THINGS! FISTBUMP!"

God knows Look Alive, Sunshine isn't going to provide any sort of enlightenment to anyone. I don't think it would even if it were in a fandom of more than five people. I'm vaguely afraid of getting lectured about using choose not to warn, about perhaps not making it clear enough that I'm aware it's a problematic story, about having the end game pairing fuck, sometimes in loving and explicit detail, with other people.

Generally, I'm more likely to get, "What exactly were you smoking?" if anything. This probably informs my ambivalence.

That said, I care a lot about the comments I get from my Yuletide recip, because I want to know that they were satisfied with the customer service.

You know what I miss, though? From when I had a critical mass of people in the same fandom as me? Workshopping. Writing's such a weird isolated experience for me now: I talk about it A LOT, esp. on Dreamwidth, but I'm talking about the process, and not... the words?

I mean, I don't feel like putting my stuff in the fic thread is a good use of that space: the number of people there who'd know the source AND want about 70k of it workshopped through there? Pretty much zero. But... I still miss it.

Like, I want to actually have enough people who I can talk to about the fact that my whole first chapter basically starts with a slow-building 1500 word panic attack on the part of the POV character. Or to go over my themes per chapter while shoving the writing at them and saying, "Okay, read, then look at this, then re-read and tell me what hits and what misses."

I think the combination of those years when I was fannish in a source where my friends weren't on top of my anxiety and depression issues during that same time, changed how I approach writing for good or for ill. I"m not sure, even if I had a critical mass of people here in or at least caring about my small fandom, that I'd even be able to do the sort of workshopping we used to do here. But I miss it.

Plei,

You mentioned a few posts back the tag "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat". Where'd that come from? (I've seen a good bit of it in Avengers fic, usually on fics dealing with HYDRA and/or Bucky.)

Tumblr, right? These days, the answer so often is Tumblr.