What's up with my deep love of problematic things like dubcon and noncon?

Working through your reaction to rape culture through fic?

Yes.

I think the main reason is I still need the mental distance between reactions I'm familiar with in a female body and the reactions I've experienced producing on a male body. That, and a lack of well-written femslash that appeals to my fantasy preferences.

When it comes to actual porn, I will watch gay porn for the production values, but girl-on-girl for women, by women, that's where my happy place is, if I have a happy place with regards to porn.

Most of the femslash I find fails to be explicit enough. It's all fluffy and twee. Hell, most of the het in pairings I read winds up being rated mature for fade to black, which is NOT RIGHT AND PROPER, SHEESH.

effectively about the survivor and their reaction

Ultimately, 90% of my interest. Aftermath, and onward. Process, adapatation, accomodation, resistance, acquiescence. These are things that intrigue and absorb me, and why my tastes tend to the very dark, instead of fluff and crack.

My porn *watching* is far less discriminate than reading. I can't read het. I have no interest in it at all, or in writing it. Watching, it can be hot, but usually mostly silly. Girl on girl, written and produced by women, probably edges out guy-on-guy.

Watching it when you're all in the same room, often kinda hot (sometimes not, but often). Production values in film? So bad, so so bad.

Reading it? Write it right, and I am there with bells on.

I don't watch a lot of porn, the visuals and the sounds.. I don't know. I'd rather read it than watch it . Still images are fine and written stuff is better.

And while I do read general stuff for fanfic and some het (depending on who I'm shipping) if I'm reading for sex or for kinks it's almost always slash and not femslash. I tend more towards D/s or BDSM stuff, stories with lots of begging and I actually like to read what ever random stuff people say when they are so turned on it's just babbling out. There's one Due South story that I had bookmarked for the longest time because it was just RayK babbling during sex and it was so rare to read that. A wee bit of humilation. Dub con and non con fall into that area but only in specific situations (sex pollen, aliens made them do it, FRaser thought he was a ghost, or one offs.).

Working through your reaction to rape culture through fic?

That's a little bit of it wrt my reading habits, but I think my fondness for dub-con comes from my apparently bone-deep fascination with gothic tropes and the prey of monsters becoming enthusiastically complicit in their own corruption and transformation.

In other words, it all comes back to vampires.

I don't read much non-con. It doesn't work for me. I think the last non-con I read was a well-written but horrifying fic that Plei and BlueJay both read.

Blood from a Stone. I just re-read that.

shudders

So well-written. SO wrong and skin-crawly. I had the same reaction that I had to that super-fucked-up Sherlock omegaverse you had me read.

I just read that and damn. That's... I'm just going to read more by the author. And Plei if you have any other recs like that can you send them my way?