§ ita §, I'd be happy to help out. Profile addy is good.

Hey. Long time, no see (at least around these parts. I actually still see most of you folks on Facebook. I mean, it's not like I VANISHED or anything.)

Anyway, I've had a bunny in my head for a couple days, since mainlining "Life on Mars" and "Ashes to Ashes." It doesn't have a title yet, although I kind of know where it's going.

But I do know that it starts here:

Heaven's in Here

Prologue:

My name is Ted Kord. I was shot by Maxwell Lord in in 2005, and I woke up as a policeman in London in 1990. Am I crazy, in a coma, or have I traveled back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home before Lord destroys The Justice League ...

Oh, my. Victor, you have no idea how HAPPY this plot bunny makes me.

Excellent! Now let's see if I can pull off the trick ...

Heaven's in Here

One: If I Could Turn Back Time

I knew immediately it wasn't going to be enough. Knew even before he fired the gun. He had stolen something from Batman, some sort of spy satellite or something. He knew everything about all of us. Even Superman. Maxwell Lord – my friend Maxwell Lord, the man who once connived a new Justice League into being – was now in charge of Checkmate. He'd be coming for the rest of the League soon.

But I was first. Even if I could escape Checkmate's Zurich headquarters, I couldn't resist Max's mind-control. What happens if he uses it on Superman? Or Diana? We never worried about that because we thought we could trust him.

All I want is to put Earth's destiny in the hands of humans, he said, pointing the gun at me while I knelt wounded and bound on the floor. In the hands of people like me ...and people like you.

I asked if he was asking me to join or die. Then I told him to rot in Hell. In retrospect, maybe I should have stalled for time. Nah. Max would never have bought it. He fired, and I blacked out. For a moment, it was as though explosions rippled through my head. Then the pain changed, and it was as if I was being pummeled by fists.

Because I was. Instead of Max pontificating about his evil scheme, I suddenly had four skinheads laying into me, punching and kicking me as I lay on the ground. And I was on a city street, outdoors. I heard someone shout for the police, heard running. I almost forgot about the punching and kicking, because I realized that there wasn't a gaping hole in my head.

OK. First problems first. I grabbed one skinhead's arm and tossed him into his buddies, then flipped and kicked another one in the chin. He was out cold. One kick! I thought to myself, but these were hardly the Legion of Doom. I spun and took out another. The other two ran.

Stop, police! Shouted a woman's voice. A young, blonde woman in a police uniform – British? Definitely not American, despite her accent – took a baton to one of the skinheads as he tried to push past her. The last bruiser made a break for it, but I wasn't having it: I leaped, bounced off the wall and came down with my foot on his back.

I turned again to face the policewoman.

“The elderly couple they mugged said you jumped in to save them,” she said. Now that the adrenaline was subsiding, I felt a little wobbly on my knees. “Are you all right?”

“I don't think so,” I said. “I think I need to lie down for a …”

Aaaand, I was out. Just like that. It's kind of embarrassing, actually, because the cop was kind of cute. If you're into women in uniforms. Which, hey! I am! Thankfully, she was there in the hospital when I woke up.

“Hey,” she said, smiling down at me. “I was getting worried about you, DI Kord.”

“DI?” I said, clearly at the top of my wit.

“Sorry,” she said, folding up a copy of the London Herald and laying it on the table. “We had to go through your wallet when we brought you in. CDI was expecting you later today. Hell of a first day on the job!”

“Job?” I asked, confused.

“DCI Hunt was beside himself,” she continued. You should have heard the shouting. Well, I guess you'll hear it enough soon. The doctors say you can go home as soon as you feel ready.”

This was getting confusing. The cop seemed to think I was someone else. I had ID … people expecting me …

“Where am I?” I asked.

“Royal London,” said the cop, still smiling.

“London?” I said. “But I was in Zurich. Last thing I remember ...”

The last thing I remember is Max Lord putting a bullet though my brain.

“Are you going to be OK?” said the cop. “I think the pounding might have rattled you more than we thought.”

“No, no,” I said. “I'm OK getting pounded.” The cop snickered a bit and I added, “I can take a few hits! I mean …”

… I'm in London with no costume and no communication device, and the JLA doesn't have an embassy here anymore ...

“This is going to sound crazy,” I said, taking a deep breath to steady my (continued...)

( continues...) nerves, “but I need to get in contact with the Justice League.”

“Who are they? Some sort of social advocacy group?”

“No! The Justice League! Everybody's heard of them! Superman and Wonder Woman and ...”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” said the young woman, smiling the sort of smile you wear when you're just about to have someone medicated for their own health and safety.” Should I call the Sister?”

She was about to make that decision for me, but I wanted to smooth things over before they escalated. I couldn't get bogged down here. I had things to do.

“No, no,” I said. “I'm OK. Just a little fuzzy, still. Hey, I never actually caught your name.”

“PC Bishop,” she said, her smile relaxing. PC Henrietta Bishop. But everybody just calls me Etta.”

“Nice to meet you, Etta,” I said, smiling lightly. I then looked around the hospital, to see if anything else was odd or out of place. Maybe hanging out with Bruce did have some effect on me. That's when I saw the newspaper's headline:

Nelson Mandela Freed

And suddenly, I knew that whatever was happening was far stranger than I had realized, and it began to sink in that I was very, very far from home.

Can anyone recommend an OUaT episode where there's an Emma-Regina fight that doesn't quite reach actual violence? I need a scene like that for the fic.

Heaven's in Here

Part Two: Where is My Mind?

When you're part of a team, you have a role. I was never the detective. That would be Bruce. Or Ralph and Sue. Or even J'onn. Me I was the guy who could fix the machine, or fly the plane, or crack a joke when it was desperately needed. Which was more often than you would think. Grim and gritty was so late '80s.

But evidently, so was London in 1990. Assuming this is really happening and I'm not hallucinating or something, I'm in my mid-teens on the other side of the Atlantic, tinkering with machines and listening to Rush right now. Don't judge. “Tom Sawyer” was instrumental in my super-development. I've never spent much time in London, but I remember it being more frenetic than this. It's still busy, but it's a more reasonable sort of busy.

Like I said, I'm not a detective. But I do notice things. And as I ride along in the police car beside Etta, I'm noticing details: Ant-Thatcherite graffiti, punks with massive mohawks, bad dance music blaring from every car, homeless teenagers everywhere. There's a sort of grimness here, a sort of hopelessness. You can see it on people's faces. I don't remember much history, but I know Thatcher will be gone by the end of the year.

Etta's been rambling off about cases – kidnappings, disappearances, a few murders. They sound interesting … I can help. I love to help people. Especially cute policewomen. But really, most anyone who needs it. That's why playing Blue Beetle was always so addictive, even if Bruce and the rest eventually started looking down on me, thinking I was too goofy to be a superhero. Maybe they were right. Unbidden, the image of myself lying dead on the floor with Max Lord standing above me comes forward. I shake it off before I scream.

It's the little things that are different. I haven't seen a cell phone the entire time I've been here, but there are some old-school computers at a few desks. Not even all the desks. And they're, like, cave-puters. No Internet, yet. Not in any big, substantive way, anyways.

That's bad. If I'm going to get home, I need research. I need to figure out how it happened, who's responsible. This doesn't feel like Max. The Lord of Time, maybe? That Legion bad guy, The Time Trapper? I've never really dealt with either, so I don't know why they'd bother. A magic baddie? Maybe, but usually the Phantom Stranger shows up and says something cryptic by now.

Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe all of this is in my head. That's really not a comforting thought.

We walk through the halls of the police station, and the desk sergeant glares at me as Etta and I walk up. Another blonde woman, older than Etta. Pretty, but there's an odd sternness in her demeanor that I can't … and then I notice she's gesticulating at me.

“Srgt. Jenkins,” says Etta, “This is DI Kord, he's ...”

“I know who he is, PC Bishop,” replies the sergeant, and I realize she's American, too, which is odd. “We were expecting him this morning, and then he was in the hospital. Honestly, can't you schedule your injuries until after you've punched in? The paperwork alone …”

“Thanks, Skip!” says Etta, grabbing my arm and pulling me past the desk. “Don't mind her,” she says, conspiratorially. “She's … kind of a stickler for rules. And has no sense of humor. Or empathy … or tact …”

“Good thing she's in public service,” I joke, and Etta smiles. “But hey, are there many Americans at Scotland Yard? You, me and her make three ...”

“A few. I hadn't really thought about it. And I think Srgt. Jenkins was actually born in Norway or someplace. Anyway, here we are.”

We enter a large, open office where a hectic mob of people – some in uniform, some not – stop everything they're doing to gape at me.

“Is there something on my face?” I whisper to Etta, who just giggles. “Everyone, this is Detective Inspector Kord.”

The reception's not-exactly cordial. A woman in her late 50s with a warm face and sharp eyes strides forward, (continued...)

( continues...) extending her hand. It's more formal than friendly, though.

“Welcome to CID,” says the woman. “I'm DS Smith. I guess we'll be working together.”

I shake her hand and smile. There's something in her look – does she not trust me? Did I take her promotion? I can't read her. This one's actually English, though, so that's reassuring. I was beginning to get suspicious.

“Looking forward,” I say, deciding to stick with the game. “Sorry I'm late. Got into a scuffle on the way here.”

“He stopped a mugging,” adds Etta, brightly. DS Smith's smile becomes slightly more genuine. She's still suspicious of me, but it's subsiding.

“What,” says another voice, from a desk in the corner. A large, dark-haired man with a London accent – much rougher than DS Smith's – “is he expecting a medal?”

Most of the room laughs, but the man just glares at me, a sort of brooding anger just underneath his skin. DS Smith sort of roles her eyes and speaks up, bringing the room back to attention.

“Don't mind DC Black,” she says. “He's just winding you up.”

'Right,” says a bellowing English voice on the other side of the office. “If anyone's going to do any winding up around here, it's gonna be me!”

All eyes turn towards the large man who has just entered from an office across the room.

“So you're the Yank they sent me,” he says, looking me up and down. “What? They didn't have any Frenchmen this time?”

There are a few nervous laughs. I step forward and start to introduce myself, when I realize that Etta – who is suddenly standing stiffly at attention – has actually stepped back away from me. That cant be good.

“DI Kord,” she says, barely concealing a sudden nervousness, “This is DCI Hunt.”

The large man looks me up and down.

“Show the Yank his desk and get him outfitted,” he says, dismissively. “We don't have time for tea and crumpets with the queen.”

A seriousness falls across his face as he addresses the room.

“There's been another kidnapping.”

Yay! I'm really enjoying this, Victor.