Jamaican moon?

Huh.

Must be a drug related reference, possibly also indecent exposure.

So.

I've been going to analysis for four years this month. I've made some progress, but for the longest time, I've been blocked. I go to therapy four times a week now, and I'm still keeping my emotions bottled up. It takes quite a lot of energy to keep my feelings inside, and it's very stressful to me.

I've long realized that I'll be better off if I just let my feelings out. And I know that my life is never going to get better unless I confront my issues. But I can't.

When I was growing up, the only way I could cope was to try to distance myself from my emotional trauma and pretend that it didn't exist. That time has long passed, and I need to face my feelings so that I can move on with my life. The only way out is forward.

I can do this, right?

You absolutely can do it, Tom.

I can do this, right?

Yeah, you can. Plus, unlike giving birth, there's low likelihood of you receiving an episiotomy in this process. I think you have to count that among the pluses.

Emotionally Labile, here you come.

Tom, bless you for all this work. One piece of advice--in trying to make a big leap forward like this you have to force things for a while. In other words, lettign your feelings go will never feel "natural" and if you wait to do that until it does, you never will. Learning a new way to deal with oneself is a difficult process. So force yourself to start sharing feelings, even though it will feel fake and horribly uncomfortable the first few times. You won't feel like you, even though they are your feelings. After making yourself do it ,though, it will get easier and easier, until it becomes part of you.

This is how I had to make the change, anyway--deliberately changing my behavior and waiting for my psyche to catch up.

Plus, unlike giving birth, there's low likelihood of you receiving an episiotomy in this process.

Do you mind if I adopt this for wider use? As in, "I have to get up in the middle of the fucking night to test the new blahblah before it goes live. But at least there's a low likelihood that I'll receive an episiotomy in the process."

Does "emotionally labile"sound dirty or is it me? I didn't do the ceremony thing when I graduated because I thought my stepfather would be in jail and it would be ruined. I don't think I missed anything. Wish I could have had a shot at the bright future thing, though.

Absolutely, Tom. I admire all the work you've done for yourself and I know you can do this, too.

Also, what Robin said. For lo, she is Scrappy and she is wise.

Tom, you will do this. Strength to you.

...

X-posted from Music [link]

headdesk headdesk headdesk

Trudy! It's been so long!!!

That is all.