Just keep walking, preacher-man.

River ,'Jaynestown'


Spike's Bitches 23: We've mastered the power of positive giving up.  

[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risque (and frisque), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.


Volans - May 18, 2005 5:49:21 am PDT #9744 of 10001
move out and draw fire

That's some of the good, -t. And who knows, you may get your deposit. AFAIK, we were the only tenants to get our deposit back from our last landlords, and I'm sure that was only because we caught them at a bad time when we asked for it (the husband's mother had just passed away), and they weren't feeling like being dicks. So you may catch your landlord in a transitional moment.

I am hoping 40 is better than 30, as 30 was stupid. Or I was stupid at 30. I was significantly less together at 30 than I was at 25. At 35 I was the most together I'd ever been. It's nsm the fear of 40 that was getting to me though as the enforced hiatus on stuff I enjoy. I mean, maybe I wouldn't play paintball for the next few years, but to know I can't is distressing. My friends in the States get together to do stuff even with their infant children; in fact, my paintball team is all going to see Star Wars together, and a couple of the spouses who aren't interested are watching the kids. To know I can't do anything like that for years is getting to me - time is speeding up so much as I get older that every year seems extra-precious.

Usually I like being overseas because, while I give up stuff like jiujitsu and gaming, I get to travel, see and do cool things, and sometimes get surprise activities, like fencing in Malaysia. But it's becoming painfully obvious that there won't be any of that this time, so I'm feeling all sorry for myself. I know I could use the years I'm here to my advantage, but my little extroverted self is feeling the pain of having to be alone. And I've never thought of myself as a stay-at-home mom, so I'm also having to deal with saying goodbye to who I was, even though I liked me.

Of course, this could all be post-partum depression.

I can't really contribute on either the gun discussion or the pet/people discussion, but being a Buffista I'm going to anyway...on pets, like vw, I can't imagine having someone in my life who either wasn't an animal person. I've had my husband and my cat about the same length of time, and we got the cat even though we knew my husband was mildly allergic (really mildly, so not usually a problem). Since I had the husband before I met the cat, no issue, but Legion is so incredibly important to me that I can't imagine giving him up for anything. However, we did have to give up a couple kittens we adopted right after getting married because of Robert's allergies, and while it was very tough for both of us, it wasn't even the same as giving up Legion (I hate even THINKING that) because the kittens weren't as cool. That was more like breaking up with a casual friend so you could date someone you really connected with.

So I'm middle-of-the-roading it again, with "depends on whether the pet in question is a better fit with you than the person in question."

OTOH, you do make a commitment to your pets. I know people in the Foreign Service who've given up pets because they were going to countries that either quarantined for 6 months or didn't allow them at all, and I've always had a problem with those folks. There are a lot of countries out there; we would never even bid on a country that we couldn't take Legion to. (We didn't bid on Malaysia but got it assigned to us...but quarantine was only 1 month). I know this is pets/career not pets/people, but still.

On the gun thing, I'd say everyone gets a veto. No matter how irrational it seems, if your spouse is really freaked out about something, it's not good to force it on them. It will fester and cause problems, and all the more so if it's not a rational thing to be freaked out about. But this is where the whole "communication" thing comes in, which Susan's already figured out. So that's cool.


erikaj - May 18, 2005 5:49:28 am PDT #9745 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!

I suppose that could be, yeah. What? Nobody's gonna "Lie to Me" and tell me I'm going to meet LOML? Sometimes being friends with honest people sucks.:)


Gudanov - May 18, 2005 5:51:43 am PDT #9746 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping

Maybe Susan and DH can compromise. Replica historial firearms for some, Canon Rebel XT cameras for others.


Connie Neil - May 18, 2005 5:53:51 am PDT #9747 of 10001
brillig

Nobody's gonna "Lie to Me" and tell me I'm going to meet LOML?

t rifles through list of scenarios You want a limousine or a horse for him to ride into your life in/on? Macho yet sensitive or geeky and sweet?

Lies R Us, honey, just give us the parameters.


DavidS - May 18, 2005 5:54:24 am PDT #9748 of 10001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."

Nobody's gonna "Lie to Me" and tell me I'm going to meet LOML?

Well, honestly I don't know that you won't. I just don't think it's as likely to happen in Phoenix. But I'd say that to anybody that lived in Phoenix.


erikaj - May 18, 2005 5:56:29 am PDT #9749 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!

I think the best guys have a little bit of all those things, Connie. And, Hec, yeah, I think any town that even the alternative weekly describes as having an "inferiority complex" may have some serious problems with cool. But people do get together here...they're just not likely flaming liberals with crime fascinations who have to bum rides.


Scrappy - May 18, 2005 5:57:08 am PDT #9750 of 10001
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

I think allergies are different than not liking. Mild ones you can get over, but severe ones you are stuck with. The BF has allergies to down, so I had to give up my beloved down comforter or he would be sneezing and wheezing and having asthma attacks all night long. Like Tep, I wouldn't give up a pet for someone until we were serious, but if we were, I and it was a heallth issue, I would, but not before I found the pet a really good and happy home. For the same reasons, we didn't get a dog until our elderly and dog-hating cat died. He was too old and too cranky to live anywhere else but with us, and we were willing to give up something we loved and wanted to make him happy and comfortable.


Steph L. - May 18, 2005 5:58:55 am PDT #9751 of 10001
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe

Nobody's gonna "Lie to Me" and tell me I'm going to meet LOML?

You wouldn't settle for just some schmoe, though. He'll have to be someone who will match you snark for snark. And those guys aren't as common as Larry Frat Guy. But they're worth the wait. (Or so I hear.)

Me, I don't want the responsibility of a husband OR a pet right now. Hell, half my plants have died in the past year. I don't know what that says about me. My theory is that they miss Jossverse TV, and expired from grief.


Calli - May 18, 2005 5:59:31 am PDT #9752 of 10001
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul—Calvin and Hobbs

No matter how irrational it seems, if your spouse is really freaked out about something, it's not good to force it on them.

Yeah, every time I think of logical reasons why something that wouldn't bother me (in this instance, a gun) won't really be a problem (unworking replica or whatever) I think of my reactions to bees. They scare the hell out of me. I'm not allergic. I've been stung and had nothing worse than pain and panic. But if I was with someone who found the intricate chambers of a honeycomb fascinating, and wanted to take a cross section of a hive, complete with thoroughly dead worker bees, and put it between glass and hang it in the living room? I just couldn't cope. I would recognize the fascinating complexity. I would know there was nothing in it that could hurt me. But every time I saw it I'd get a deep jolt of fear, feel sick to my stomach, and hate it. I would resent the person who put me through this, even though I know my feelings are completely irrational on the subject.


Nora Deirdre - May 18, 2005 5:59:43 am PDT #9753 of 10001
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)

yeah, I miss my down comfortor and down pillows too! but certainly not the same as gving up a pet.