Sometimes post-birthday presents are even better because it makes your birthday last longer and you aren't expecting them.

This is totally true. vw, I wouldn't worry about it. She must know how stressful things have been for you lately, and I doubt very much that she'll think any less of you for being frazzled or having a dirty apartment. The important thing is that you're spending time with her on her birthday and showing her that you care about her. I'm a total birthday HOR, but it's all about the recognition of the fabulosity of me; the getting or not getting of presents (or the getting of presents in a timely fashion) really doesn't matter much at all. I'll bet that J. feel similarly, and will be really appreciative of a later birthday gift that has more time and thought put into it.

For the record, I do have a present, so it won't be a totally giftless evening.

ETA: I just want to make it special, and I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job. But, I'm trying to let it go...see...this is me trying really, really hard.

Oh, goodness! I can't even do that part right. Maybe the hampers of dirty clothes should be moved out of the kitchen.

In the hamper counts as put away.

A review of Victoria's Secret's new IPEX bra:

[link]

I just want to make it special, and I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job.

vw, it is special, because she's going to be with you. My favorite birthday was one where I didn't get a single present, but my broke and wonderful college friends came over and we ate things that weren't good for us and drank cheap beer. We were all together, without outside pressures. J will appreciate you not making a fuss.

Think about what makes it more special, vw, an immaculate apartment or a sense of closeness and comfort? The more relaxed you are, the more fun she'll have.

There is an old saying about hostessing I try to live by-- "Never complain, never explain." Complaining about things going wrong just makes guests have to praise them and explaining makes them have to excuse them, and really, it doesn't matter. I still sometimes repeat "never complain, never explain" to myself as we are waiting for guests and there are dogbones on the floor or the desk is covered with papers. Just be there in the moment, ready to love and enjoy the other person, and that's what they'll remember.

"never complain, never explain"

However? If the entree exploded or something, if you can get over the shock and make it funny, it will endear you to your guests far more than just letting them deal with your wide-eyed expression of suppressed horror. Not that I would know anything about that...

vw, what everyone else said. It will be special because you are special.

Aimée, what's a manageable price range for you? I know one professional historical costumer and a boatload of extremely competent amateurs in Southern California, and I could ping one of them to ask what a custom job would be. I had this Victorian underbust made for me for about $120 by a dressmaker acquaintance who was very skilled but had only made two corsets before in her life and wanted the practice.

Yeah, sometimes you gotta give the lowdown, but I'm talking more about the "Sorry about the messy pile of work on the desk, I meant to get it cleared off but I got a call so I..." kind of thing.

I still really NEED this mantra, by the way. I threw on a black velvet shirt when we had people over this weekend and realized it was covered in lint. I mentioned that I was sorry about this and one good friend grabbed me be the shoulders and said "You know what? No one cares."

Aimée, what's a manageable price range for you? I know one professional historical costumer and a boatload of extremely competent amateurs in Southern California, and I could ping one of them to ask what a custom job would be. I had this Victorian underbust made for me for about $120 by a dressmaker acquaintance who was very skilled but had only made two corsets before in her life and wanted the practice.

Right now for the F2F, like $40. That's what I'm mainly looking for right now. After that, I'll figure out where I want to get my custom one. And upon thinking about it, I'd like to lose a little more weight before plunking down a buttload of money on a custom corset.