I want Calli's parents.

They are pretty cool. They both rambled around foreign countries as teachers before marrying and raising kids. If I could get a job in Malta or Madegascar they'd be thrilled.

They went on vacations, ate dinner out, and treasured their new freedom. They didn't understand why anyone would want their kids to not seek independence.

This is the kind of parent I want to be.

I had to fight to move out on my own. Mom would have had me live there until I get married.

It's a good thing you did. My sister still lives at home and she's 48.

Sj - here are my response

If mom says " You should put your books away" you should say " yes, I should" - because - well, you should , it would be nice and you could find your stuff - but don't say anything more thatn that.

if mom says " let me put your books away " I think you have to choices either " mom, someday I have to learn to put my toys in the toy box" or " but then I'd have to redo them and put them away in the right places" The first is a gentle reminder that at your age you have to clean up your own mess. The secod one - says your place your stuff. -- the only thing is - repeat , don't try and explain. short sweet, and not a big deal.

I always bookmark Lily pictures.

I have an uncle who never left home. He was an alcoholic most of his life. About 11 years ago (after he'd been retired a while), he was abusing my grandfather, who had Alzheimer's. My mom sued for custody of my grandfather so she could throw my uncle out of the house.

Both of DH's parents lived with their parents until they got married. They were perplexed that their kids had no intention of doing the same thing.

My poor parents had to deal with kid's coming home all the time - I lived with them for a year after graduating college to save money, then my brother was there for a while, then my sister moved back with her husband and kids (that was only a couple of months, but still), then I had to move back for a few months after a financial setback. They like for us to visit, but boy are they glad relieved when we leave!

Lily is so beautiful. I love all the pictures.

My children are being extra evil today. I don't know why, but I think it's because I went to the doctor this morning without them. They feel bereft of a treat. Unfortunately, it was a long and boring wait and I got someone I'm not sure of who convinced me to up the dosage of a medicine I didn't want to take to begin with. My doctor was out sick.

Everytime I talk about the possibility of moving my mother convinces me I will never survive without her.

My mother and father both tried this, with the addition that I was "stealing" their grandchild, right up until I married Greg. Thankfully, they're very happy for us now and we have an equal relationship. It took way too long and a lot of that stuff Robin suggested.

Lily looks so much like her beautiful mom, it's amazing.

Lily=Baby Perfection. So tiny and wee and, gah!

(btw - we have one of those fleece blankets with the tie edges and it's awesome!! Our's also Winnie the Pooh on it!)

Your mom wants to control you, that's clear. And it sounds like she's willing to bulldoze your wishes to try to do that. Something I learned from my therapist many years ago, which still helps me a lot in times of crisis is that you can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions. I spent up until my mid-30s trying to "fix" my feelings when dealing with my parents' drinking or my ex-husband or whatever, and it did nothing. She allowed me to realize that there was nothing wrong with my feelings--there was nothing wrong with feeling guilty or worried or hurt (or whatever the button-pusher was going for) and that feelings are by nature irrational and cannot be controlled. However, actions are choices, and once you honor your feelings, you are free to act in whatever way works best for you. Back before my mom stopped drinking she would say stuff like "I feel like killing myself when you kids aren't around." which would make me furious and guilty and not want to leave and all sorts of stuff, and I spent years trying not to feel furious and guilty and whatever and failing miserably. Once I let myself feel whatever I was feeling, and realized I could then behave in whatever way I wanted to, it was amazing.

So you can FEEL like not unpacking to spite your mom, which is a normal response to her nagging, but you can then choose to ACT in whatever way is best for you--whether unpacking or draping a scarf or painting the boxes day-glo orange.

This may be obvious to most people, but it wasn't to me, and learning it freed me up to be less controlled by the people around me, which I really needed.