If Perkins doesn't object to me stealing her discussion format, I'd really like to see what people think about this:

I AM SO TOTALLY OFFENDED.

Okay, really, I'm not at all.

I was going to ask who was more important to/for Willow, Buffy or Xander.

I'm thinking Xander on the last. At least for the "to" part. Buffy could never have brought her out of her darkness, she needed the best-friend-since-five for that. As for "for," well, Buffy's existence as the Slayer is what exposed her to the occult and that led to the whole magic thing and her getting to help save the world on multiple occasions. Not to mention giving her the chance to meet Tara. So maybe Buffy wins that part.

I think Oz for the reasons cited (and they're my OTP). He's the one that fostered her growth and self-confidence. He's the one who early on raised doubts about how she was using magic. The relationship with Tara was much more mature and invaluable to her growth as a witch, but it was also much more unhealthy.

Buffy was most important for Willow, then Oz, then Tara, then Xander.

Tara was most important to Willow, then Oz, then Xander, then Buffy.

Buffy was most important for Willow, then Oz, then Tara, then Xander.

Okay, my hatred of the yellow crayon speech nonwithstanding, the guy who talked her down from destroying the world surely deserves a little more credit than that.

Without Buffy, we know what happens to both Willow and Xander.

Granted in that case, they're together, but they're still the evil undead.

That's exactly what I had in mind, Frank. Also, without Buffy, Willow might never have given it a go with Oz. And, I hope people remember how dear Xander is to me as I write this next bit--but that 'dear' doesn't mean I think he's perfect... I think Willow might still be mooning over Xander, in order to hide from the fish of the day, so to speak.

For all that Buffy brought danger to their lives, and probably exposed Willow and Xander to things that permanently changed them, and not always for the better, she also gave them the opportunity to discover and gain self-confidence. Being friends with her in the early days, was a great balm to both of them. She, this super-hero former prom queen, saw them as people with enormous potential for bravery and goodness, not just as high school rejects.

They say your children become what you tell them they are. If you tell your kid he is a brat, or stupid, or mean, or whatever, he's going to live down to your expectations, and the converse is true, as well. People live up to the expectations you have of them.

Granted, Buffy wasn't their mother, but she was someone who expected the best of them when all anyone else ever saw was their social category. She (and Giles) relied on and trusted in them. And they lived up to her expectations so much so, that when she isolated herself from them (seasons 6 & 7, primarily, but here and there throughout the series), she was less effective, and it damaged her. And, I'll say Giles, Willow, and Xander (in no particular order--take them as a group) were most important for Buffy, as well. We saw what *she* was like, without them, too.

Buffy intuitively lived the lesson Whistler (a little) and Doyle (primarily) tried to impart to Angel. You can't live apart, in this solitary life, with your little secret super powers. You have to connect, get involved, love, trust and relate, even though sometimes, to do so is going to expose you to tremendous pain and damage.

Buffy intuitively lived the lesson Whistler (a little) and Doyle (primarily) tried to impart to Angel. You can't live apart, in this solitary life, with your little secret super powers. You have to connect, get involved, love, trust and relate, even though sometimes, to do so is going to expose you to tremendous pain and damage.

Which Spike recognized almost from day one. "A slayer with friends??!?!?!?" and all that.

eta Or was that day one?

Frank, I can't remember. Might have been.

Also...

Okay, my hatred of the yellow crayon speech nonwithstanding, the guy who talked her down from destroying the world surely deserves a little more credit than that.

I meant to say, but forgot, I think all of those people are extremely important to and for Willow. Putting Xander last of the FORs, and 2nd to last of the TOs, doesn't mean I think he was unimportant.

I think Willow might still be mooning over Xander, in order to hide from the fish of the day, so to speak.

t loving Cindy for the "fish of the day" reference....