Who was the real power? The Captain? or Tenille?

Xander ,'Showtime'


The Great Write Way, Chapter Two: Twice upon a time...  

A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.


SailAweigh - Feb 26, 2008 11:39:56 am PST #9811 of 10001
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb

It could be a good end point, but then I could also go back in and fill in the blanks there, too. Dunno. The muse is still playing, but this is what this weeks prompt drew out. They've been chronological up til now, but....eh. Like your last post, sometimes writing things out of order actually helps you see where things are going.


erikaj - Feb 26, 2008 12:00:16 pm PST #9812 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!

Baltimore Transformations

Ever since Kay said, you know, what she said,(God, he still wished she hadn't,) Ed Danvers gets greeted like the number one Lover Man of the Potomac. Women primp when they see him, and even the perpetually pre-menstrual court reporter he usually works with introduced herself and bought him a Coke. Her name is Stephanie and she has two dogs. No kids, she said, after a long meaningful look in his direction.

Waitresses close to downtown dust off their touristy "Hons" and ignore his punctilious overview of the check, figuring that anyone who could tame the redhaired murder police knows a little something. The young ones try not to look at his thumbs or his feet, or the moment when his tongue darts out to remove meringue from his upper lip, but they all giggle about it anyway. Maybe it really is the quiet ones.


Typo Boy - Feb 26, 2008 12:09:07 pm PST #9813 of 10001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.

OK, trying to avoid comma abuse here:

It describes the interests, "such as fossil fuel companies and automobile manufacturers, that would directly suffer from a reduction in fossil fuel use, but as a secondary factor." Because the sentence includes two secondary clause, one an interjection, the other modifying the predicate, using commas for both is confusing.

I could try a dash. "It describes the interests - such as fossil fuel companies and automobile manufacturers - that would directly suffer from a reduction in fossil fuel use, but as a secondary factor." or "It describes the interests, such as fossil fuel companies and automobile manufacturers, that would directly suffer from a reduction in fossil fuel use - but as a secondary factor."

The first is technically correct (I think), but because a dash is used to replace the first rather than the second comma looks wrong. The second is not using a dash either to set off an expression or for explanatory comments, so is technically wrong. But the second use of dashes is less intrusive and looks better. I really don't want to break it up into multiple sentences because it adds words, also flows less well in context of what precedes and follows. Any body care to comment or correct false assumptions?


-t - Feb 26, 2008 12:10:46 pm PST #9814 of 10001
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration

Theoretically, I favor total immersion in one project at a time. The longer I can spend thinking about one universe the better and deeper I understand it, I think. But I'm not very good at not sparking off into other things whenever a stray thought from a different story wanders by.

I do like to keep whatever I'm reading or watching or talking about unrelated to what I'm working on, though, and escape that way.


Miracleman - Feb 26, 2008 12:12:58 pm PST #9815 of 10001
No, I don't think I will - me, quoting Captain Steve Rogers, to all of 2020

I need someone who's willing to read three...well, two and a half...chapters of a goofy fantasy novel and help me get past the point where I'm stuck. I need someone to go "Dude, what should happen next is..." and then I can do that.

'cause I been stuck on this one fucking "and then what?" point for, like, two months.


-t - Feb 26, 2008 12:14:52 pm PST #9816 of 10001
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration

The first sentence, with two dashes, reads easiest to me. Would parentheses be a possibility? It seems like a parenthetical clarification.


Ginger - Feb 26, 2008 12:15:16 pm PST #9817 of 10001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda

Rephrase, maybe?

It describes as a secondary factor the interests, such as fossil fuel companies and automobile manufacturers, that would directly suffer from a reduction in fossil-fuel use.


-t - Feb 26, 2008 12:16:39 pm PST #9818 of 10001
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration

I'd love to read a goofy fantasy novel, MM. If I can help with the what comes next question I don't know, but I'll try.


Miracleman - Feb 26, 2008 12:17:09 pm PST #9819 of 10001
No, I don't think I will - me, quoting Captain Steve Rogers, to all of 2020

Profile addy good, -t?


-t - Feb 26, 2008 12:18:16 pm PST #9820 of 10001
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration

Yup.

I had to go look at it to be sure. And I have to step away from the computer for a bt, so don't fret if I don't respond right away.