Damn, Laura's format doesn't let me copy and paste.
OK. A couple of small things to make it even crisper than it is, from link 1:
You have the title, dominant: Document Management Digest. Right below it, the question, "What's so great about document management?" And the text immediately following is "The title above was a question posed by my aunt in response to my bragging about our document management system."
I got a bit lost. The phrase itself, Document Management, appears three times before I could catch my breath visually, so to speak. Also, that first sentence is a long one.
So I'd make it a bit more concise, to keep the eye engaged: "What's So Great About Document Management?" - That question was posed by my aunt, after listening to me brag about our document management system."
The basis kept me reading - literally, small tweaks to keep the attention centered.
Just my take.
Laura, I was going to comment on the newsletters, but it's a little difficult since they're in the form of a graphic. Is there a reason for that?
I composed them in Publisher and saved them as png's to pop them into the page template. I would happily e you the text versions if that would be easier for the copy and pasting. I appreciate the comments so much because I wrote them rather rapidly and don't seem to be able to edit them while it is so fresh.
"What's So Great About Document Management?" - That question was posed by my aunt, after listening to me brag about our document management system."
I can see where ... after listening to me brag about our system... would work just as well without the duplication.
insent Ginger and Deb (with thanks)
You betcha! Techspeak is not my strongest point, but I've edited a truckload of it for Nic, who did a whole bunch of marketing and engineering brochures for freelance money in the past.
I sent just the text portions, but you will miss my favorite part - the cartoons!
Got it, Laura. Is there a heavy duty time constraint? Because I've just finished painting wainscoting, am headed for the shower, and it's a catfeeding night, which means a train trip south.
No hurry at all. I hope to do revisions by end of week, but not required. Thanks so much.
Laura, I'm not the compositionist that Deb is. I just know that I liked your articles. They were informative, laid out nicely point-by-point (very easy to follow) and humorous. I had to do a double take on that first one, also, with all the document management being thrown around. I had to stop and say "wait", "huh?", "oh." It was harder to get into the article, but it was still interesting.
Also, gotta say I'm loving this challenge. It's bringing all kinds of interesting thoughts/insights/emotions into play and all very intense. So, I wrote another one. This time, it came out in the form of a po'm (just for you Pennsylvanians.) It needed a little looser form.
Take My Hand
On the one hand
is everything I love,
Not limited to the
finite of the mind
That counts it out
just so; that one
Might say, “I have
more than you.”
The other hand is
grasping; like a
Starfish looking for
lunch—let me
Take what’s yours
so I may have more.
What’s more is less
when one walks
The moebius strip
of heart and soul;
There is no side
to take, you
Can have it all.
I walked that path
from end to end
And called it Hell
to be walking forever;
I stopped to give my
hand—Heaven.
edited to play with the formatting
Compositionist? Me? Huh.
Sail, that was exquisite.
Heh, I hope all my afterthought editting didn't make it too hard to read. I wasn't sure how to indent and what I ended up doing worked, but still didn't do quite what I wanted.
Oh Sail. I would love a copy of that.