It's Monday, isn't it?

Challenge #122 (the jewelry you're wearing) is now closed.

Challenge #123 is the first bite.

eta: hehe. I got the numbering screwed up last week. Oops.

Or maybe crickets...

Folks off playing yesterday. They'll be back today. This one's rough and needs some work, but I can't figure out what to cut. 133 words:

The First Bite

Throw a line in the water and wait, crank it back slowly, the lure wiggling its yellow iridescent tail through the murky water like some irresistible fish-dream. Hour after hour, from spot to spot of shade over submerged trees, the boys try to mimic Dad.

The boat comes back to the cove and the younger child runs to cannonball into the water, Dad heads for the tent for a nap, keys given to the elder child for his first solo trip across the narrow channel, into the cove opposite, to the best fishing spot.

We hear the boat returning in less than five minutes. It beaches, the motor cuts out, and footsteps pound up the trail to the campsite.

"Dinner," he shouts, grinning and wide-eyed, a two-foot fish in his hand, "is served!"

Thanks Beverly.

That's lovely, Bev.

The First Bite

I took the first bite myself.

The girl was wary now, afraid of unexpected gifts and strange people. Even a stooped old woman with a glistening red apple, it seemed.

But I wouldn’t fail this time. She’d fooled me twice, with the help of those stunted little men. So I took the fruit between my teeth, careful to bite the smooth, untainted side.

It was proof enough. I hid my smile as she accepted her gift, and watched as she tasted it, imagining those lush lips cold and blue. Nothing was more tempting than trust to the pure of heart.

Gaaaaah. Still no mail from the agent lady. If I haven't heard from her by Thursday, I'll send another chirpy, upbeat "Hey, how are things?" email.

Unless my head explodes from waiting, which might just happen.

Unless my head explodes from waiting, which might just happen.

Mine done exploded already. I plan to use the top part of my skull as a candy dish for halloween...as soon as I find it.

I should hear this week.

Mine done exploded already. I plan to use the top part of my skull as a candy dish for halloween...as soon as I find it.

Oooh, very festive!

I should hear this week.

And I'm sure you will get oodles of praise.

It's totally a fear of the unknown. I don't even know what notes look like. Do they come in MS Word Track Changes? Is it Deb's nightmare of post-its? Is it a few pages of stuff about tone and reordering and "this sucks, this is why, this is what I want"?

Allyson, my notes were always a letter (the ones I gave, I mean). Just a letter, with a bulleted list beginning with page number, as in:

p. 18: Here, do you mean Cinnamon's lovestruck eyes actually caressed Drakko? Or is this a metaphor?

Stuff like that.

Or she might send the manuscript back with notes in the margins -- although, again, I'm thinking old-school here. If I had to use Track Changes I would shoot someone.

Either way, they own this manuscript, remember? They *like* it. They're going to want to help you do any finessing to make it even better. They're NOT going to send a letter saying it sucks, I promise.