Allyson, bebe, it really isn't that bad. As Amy says, the standard contract gives the writer her/his advance as a 50-50 deal. Say it was $5,000; you would get an offer from a publisher. They'd draw up the contract, and send it to your agent. She'd read it over and let you know what they were offering, and what they wanted (things like foreign rights or audio book rights). She'd suggest whatever changes she felt was needed to make the deal as sweet as possible from your end. You'd nod along with her, mostly (it's what I usually do, because my agent is a smart cookie and I totally trust her business acumen). She make the changes and send the contract back. They'd issue the contract, you'd get a copy, you'd initial here, there and also page seven where they'd tried sneaking in a lower than agreed upon paperback percentage, and send it back. They'd then send you the first half of the advance, or rather send it to your agent; she'd take her 15% or whatever and the agency would send you a cheque for the rest of the first half.

I'm in exactly that position right now: I returned the signed contract (five frickin' copies!) to St. Martins Minotaur about three weeks ago and I WANT MY MONEY.

Ahem.

I get the second half on their acceptance of the finished manuscript for "Cruel Sister", on or before 15 November.

I plan on being able to deliver the whole thing. I'm woefully blocked at the moment and need to get 4 essays really complete that are in half-finished or outline form.

I feel that pain; I have (counting) 33,000 words minimum to write between now and 15 November, and the infuriating thing is, the deadline is totally bogus. This is Ruth's assistant's first big "grooming to take over" deal, and she was probably told in school that authors are slackers and prone to weep and slit their wrists and never finish anything on time, so you must hit them with tight deadlines, to make them turn in even a draft.

Except that, I write at warp speed. And I have never once turned in a draft; I turn in books.

And the corker is, they won't even look at the damned thing in any depth until January, after which it'll sit until the last minute, when they start making unreasonable demands ("can we have seventy pages of line edit corrections on fucking post-it notes by tomorrow?")

I'm woefully blocked at the moment and need to get 4 essays really complete that are in half-finished or outline form.

You've got plenty of time. Is she sending out the proposal now-ish? You can be writing while that whole process gets underway, and it doesn't always happen at warp speed, as Deb well knows.

Yep, Amy as usual nails it in one.

Plus, you're miles, lightyears, down the road to completing it anyway. Fret not. You're totally golden right now.

I have just broken 39,000 words. I loathe thinking of the book in terms of word count, damn it.

Go, Deb! Almost there now.

Our first apartment, little more than an ambitious room. A big bed, a sofa, a TV, everything we need, since what we need most is each other.

But it’s too hot now, five long, sticky days of heat, and the sun pours through the three tall windows we count ourselves lucky to have. One fan turns lazily in the corner, little more than a suggestion of breeze.

And then it rains. We’re down on the sidewalk in moments, laughing in the darkness, faces upturned for each fat drop, bare feet slapping the cement, slick and cool and so wet, dancing.

Oh, Amy, lovely!

I broke 40K. Will send new stuff momentarily.

I heart this part of my agent's pitch:

Sarah Vowell’s successful and artful ASSASSINATION VACATION, about her fixation with presidential assassinations and her vacation touring their memorials, has proven that people’s quirky interests can capture a variety of readers’ attention. Vowell’s started PW review says that “one needn't share Vowell's interest in the macabre to thoroughly enjoy this unusual tour.” WILL THE VAMPIRE PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE THE LOBBY? shares that quality with Vowell’s book, along with her conversational and familiar tone, and easy immersion into this new world. Buffy devotees and neophytes alike will appreciate this look into fandom as an exploration of an entire world thriving on the internet, right at their fingertips.

DAYUM, Allyson, I like the way her mind works.

Excellent, Allyson! I'm really looking forward to the book when it's available, as I'm sure it will be.