I write almost exactly as I speak, except that I speak a lot faster than I type, so that "as I speak" is more likely to be "thewayIspeak".

Discovery

Flying down the highway, music I hate screaming over the wind, on because it's angry and discordant and vitriolic, and it feeds my mood. How can I be so angry? Feckless and rude, I weave past slower cars, intent upon reckless speed and mastery.

Later, nursing a vodka as I watch them. I still am angry and reckless, but there's no vehicle this time to transmute spite to speed, and I still don't understand.

Tossing in my bed, alone, not as drunk as I need to be to slide into blissful unawareness. Finally, I drop off into dreams.

I don't dream about them, or her or him. I dream about me, and after all, isn't that what this is about? The lack of me, me not being wanted.

And when I wake up, it's clear and silent and the anger is gone. I'm not jealous of him wanting her, or vice versa.

I'm sad that no one wants me, right now. But it's all right again, because I've discovered it really isn't them that sparked this.

It's all about me.

still am angry and reckless, but there's no vehicle this time to transmute spite to speed, and I still don't understand.

I love this line.

I still can't decide if I know any drabble-worthy "discoveries". When I first started online my postings were nicer, I know. I've gotten so crude...blame HBO. And trying to talk like a cop. Although it's crazy to think a grown person can still learn to talk from television, right, babe?

Scar Tissue

Listen to a song, peel away a layer.

tore up over you and I just can't find my way oh man, layer gone, find the raw flesh underneath, getting conked in the head with a flying Zildjian cymbal, New Years Eve 1975

the song is over, it's all behind me peel me like a sunburn, watching him go back to her, not having any weapons, hardening myself, congealing

under the piano, waiting for the band to come too much, I can't breathe, bleeding, sobbing, afraid to see what's hidden

she comes in colours red, blue, black, the language of finding out.

Discovery Bay, Discovery Day

The water laps at her, pushing gently towards the shore, just as gently encouraging her back. Damp cotton clings to her legs, fashion sacrificed to sudden need for this view.

The traffic is silent now. Animal noises chase each other beyond her line of vision -- if she squints, the power lines disappear, the shack roofs sink into the greenery, and the scene shifts into timelessness.

War canoes, cinammon bodies brazen in the sun, challenging, strident, imposing enough to send the Portuguese ship to the south coast.

It doesn't matter. They die anyway. They all die. She marks the day.

ita, that kicks some serious, serious hiney. It's gorgeous.

What deb said, ita. Very compelling.

Here's one "discovery" from "A Model Citizen" . She was really dead, not just an actress smeared with stage blood waiting for some brilliant TV detective to try his skills. Then, I felt guilty. I looked and saw that blood was soaked into her hair, and that her beautiful face? Wasn't so beautiful anymore.

"Oh, crap," a uniform I couldn't identify said. "We've got another one back there. Looks like she fought like hell, too." It was April, so called flake, possible ex-felon attendant."Half of her fingernails are torn off. She must have scratched the hell out of this lowlife." My nerves were jangly and I felt both unreal and horrified about making these guys step around my vomit. The smell was not like a visit to the Body Shop, either, of course,especially added to the tang of blood. Maybe that was why I felt faint. Or maybe it was screaming for five minutes to get somebody to call the police.

erika, holy shit.

Did I mention, BTW, that the winner of that contest we're going to enter "AMC" in come October gets a $10K book advance, and a book deal?