Gah, Susan, you worry so much and beat yourself up so much and then you throw something like this out there and I just want you to listen as hard to the voice that says things like that as you do to the one that seems to be always questioning yourself. That is a beautiful, happy, curious baby you've got there, and I know you sometimes think you're not doing right by her but you are, you really really are.

Thanks, Brenda. I needed to hear that. She really is the most wonderful and lovable child ever, and you should hear her laugh. It's the best sound.

I've just got to figure out how to make myself stop worrying about her intellectual development, because that's what all these worries come down to for me--am I doing enough to make her as smart as she has the potential to be? And since I'm wired for guilt, all the well-meaning child development advice hits me the wrong way, because I feel like I could be doing more.

Edamame- yum! We get the TJ's frozen beans and usually make some sort of salad with it, with radishes or bell peppers or even tomatos in season, with cilantro or parsley and yummy vinegar. God, I can't wait till summer. We've tried to recreate it out of season but it's not the same. Need a heartier winter edemame side dish receipe for the cold months.

My new obsession = HGTV. I watched hours of it today. Landscaper Challenge, Curb Appeal, House Hunters (young couple trying to find their starter house! Aw!), and Priced to Sell.

I am obsessed. It's like all the fun of looking at houses without leaving my own couch. Again, spring can't come soon enough for my ever-widening ass.

Ah, well, hopefully the anti-b's will kick the bronchitis and I'll be able to breathe enough to swim and work out next week. RIght now I can't even walk more than 10 steps or go up 10 steps without wheezing and panting for, no joke, at least 5 minutes.

Whoo! HGTV!

Oof. Just got home from getting my hair cut and colored (very rich red and shortish layers--love it). Called my mom because it's the anniversary of my dad's death only to find out that my niece--the 17-year-old one who has been causing everyone so much agita--is going into rehab. My brother flew back from Holland and is driving her to some really expensive place two hours away. They think she's using meth, kind of amazing since she is still getting straight As in all AP classes. My cousin is going along with my brother on the ride for support. They have been friends since they were born and are both recovering alcoholics, so rehab is not a scary thing, so that's a blessing. But my poor bro and SiL. I feel so bad for them. Don't need hugs, because I think this is the best thing, I just feel bad.

is this the same niece that was suspected of having an eating disorder?

sending out good wishes to her and her parents.

Same one, Nora. And thanks.

One of my students came after school today to talk to me about her piece for the next creative writing class. It was about her bulemia, and I wanted to hug her and cry throughout the whole conference. I had to settle for gentle support and a calm voice. It was hard.

Robin, I'm so sorry. That's a lot to deal with.

If it's okay with you Robin, they'll be in my prayers. I hope this rehab is sticky for her. She has so much going for her, and is so lucky to have family that caught onto her illness, before it was too late.

Cindy, that would be lovely.

How are you feeling, Robin?

I'm worried and don't like being so far away. I am so glad she is getting treatment, but I feel bad for my brother--the two hour ride to the place on Thursday is going to be hellish. She's like her dad, very smart, very intense, very competitive but also very vulnerable, so it's gotta be hard on both of them.