{{{Connie}}} It sounds like you know what you're going to do and that it's the right decision. Good luck with the letter.

{{Emmett}}

Aww, poor Emmett!

Could it be a growth spurt thing?

I usually felt that pain along my shins, and then got regular cramps in my calves. Also, while he did have a bit spurt last year - he didn't manifest any of these symptoms then. Hmph.

Connie, I know how deep your estrangement is with your family. I'll just note Giles' advice that forgiveness may not be something they deserve, but something your mother needs. (Well, she probably doesn't think of it as a forgiveness issue, but obviously she wants to make some connection with you before exiting.)

Sending the letter would be a kindness, that I think you can afford. I don't know anybody who regrets their emotional generosity in these situations. But I know a lot of people who regret not being able to do anything before it was too late.

Do you think she wants a big dramatic Forgiveness Letter, or just a note to let her know you're well?

I don't really know. I honestly think trying to resolve years of misunderstandings at this point in time is needlessly dramatic. Our family style was never comfortable with drama. The line I'm taking for my own mental health is "Here is a letter from your grown-up youngest daughter, who has life complications of her own, but who wishes you well because all that is in the past." If she wants drama and is up to drama, then she'll have to instigate it.

Best to Emmett

Sounds like you have the basis of the letter

here I am. here's what is happening , may you find peace.

The line I'm taking for my own mental health is "Here is a letter from your grown-up youngest daughter, who has life complications of her own, but who wishes you well because all that is in the past."

That sounds like an excellent route to take, from the little I know of the situation.

connie, my sympathies. It sounds like you're doing the best thing possible for yourself, and I wish you peace.

Poor Emmett! I hope he feels better soon.

I always thought, when this time came, that I'd set her straight on a bunch of misconceptions she had at the time of our greatest collisions, but, really, what's the point? She's a 76-year-old woman who's probably got heart problems, given the double-bypass of four years ago, and lung problems from a lifetime of smoking, and I'm a 44-year-old woman with high blood pressure. One of us is supposed to be a grown-up, I think. I don't know where she is on her life path, so I guess I'd better take the default and be gracious. I think I'm going to owe Miss Manners another thank you note for teaching me how to just suck it up and think of somebody else.

Hec, could Emmett be experience a growth spurt (x-posty)? I remember having HORRIBLE leg pains around his age with no real explanation except for that. I hope he's ok.

Daniel, you're weighing the pros and cons--that's good. But keep make sure you put your own interests first. Good luck, whatever happens. It does complicate things, but it sounds like you've got a little bit more control over life with the actual choice-having.

{{connie}} Peace to your mother, whatever happens. I wish the rift could have been healed long ago and your family could be happy with the person you are. Also, what Hec said.